Because life is like a bowl of marbles...: 2/1/08

Thursday, February 28, 2008

10 years and counting.....

So 10 years ago at 10:30 Am (yes I had a morning wedding) I married Mr John Nickel.

Love Love Love this man!!

Best 10 years ever!!

So today was weigh in day- Another pound gone so a total of two (I wanted to be at four gone at this point) and that represents....

8 sticks of butter gone.

How can you be discouraged when you can tape 8 sticks of butter around your body and see what it looks like

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I just want five minutes of your time

To tell you I miss you
To make you smile when I tell you about how the girls are doing
To get your recipe for your potato salad
To tell you what an awesome job you did with raising my husband
To tell you you would be so proud of how your daughter is handling everything
To just hear you say everything is going to be alright
To heat you say well hello daugther
To see your crinkled smile when I tell you something silly
To see you shake your head when I tease your son -my husband

How can 3 months seem like an eternity?
I miss you Mom-
Thanks for raising John to be a God fearing Man
On Thursday I will be married to him for 10 years
Just wanted to tell you
I wish I just have five more minutes of your time!

Away from the Noise

So this week has not been a peace-filled week for me. I have peace in my heart- but there are some underline things that I don’t have peace about.

Second topic- I really always struggle with balance. John on the other hand does not. Maybe that is why we go married ?. I spend time with the girls and John and I get behind on Children’s Ministry and MK Ministries. I am at work- and I fall behind on my outside sales or MK Ministries. I get caught up on MK Ministries and I fall behind on the house- Oh wait – we don’t have milk, bananas or bread- The kids are snacking on dog food. I have a hard time jumbling the pieces together. I think the pieces fit- I just don’t know how to make them fit-

Tonight- I worked until 5:40- Got to my part of town at 6:40 and met John and the girls to eat. Came home- helped Emma with Homework (John went to the church to paint) helped Emma. Got baths done- a load of laundry in- and knew that I had to hit the house as this is my only free night.

Wait- I need to stop and do something for me. ME? Really? I pace in my bedroom. I am glad the girls are tucked away drifting to bed and John is gone. They would put me in the locked cell if they could see me. I am by myself pacing. I can hear the voice in my head screaming yet not a word comes out. I begin my silent praise as I walk- I then utter what is in my head. I start singing- away- away from the noise (“To worship you I live” Israel Houghton) and begin to claim peace in my life. I then start pacing all over the top floor of my house- Claiming peace, claiming wellness in my household, claiming and proclaiming him, pleading his blood, I start singing, crying, worshipping- and loose track of time. I jump out of my skin as Joe the overweight Daschund is suddenly in front of me staring.

I finish my little worship session knowing that even when I have cried 1000 tears and none of them have come to the surface, that even when I have screamed my lungs out and not a sound has peeped out, even when I have carried 1000 of pounds in my heart without gaining an ounce- that HE has heard me. His peace is there for me. I don’t have to put it all together- He does. That is His job. I just have to try to do my best daily. My heaviest load is passing it over to him.

So today while I was pacing, praying, worshiping, lifting Him up- I prayed for you. I don’t know who you are- but I felt every bit of your anguish. My heart broke for you- If felt heavy as if 100 elephants had stomped there. But the Lord told me to pray until I felt the lifting of the load. I did it. YOU will have victory. I don’t know who you are- It is not important that I know- because he knows.

Whomever you are- the one that is nursing the hurt of 100 soldiers- He has stepped in for you today and called in intercessor all the way in a tiny suburb of NC to pray for you. The lifting of the load is on the way. Inhale Him- He is waiting with peace in His hands for you!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Four Sticks of Butter

So today makes it official- One week on WW. Now how silly for me to start on V-day I know I know- but when I make up my mind- I make up my mind.

So I hit the scale today (and my fist still hurts -kidding) and I had only dropped one pound. Now in my head I am screaming going -HELLOOOOO ONE POUND? Then I think -oh I know why (females you will figure it out quickly). Then I think- Hey that is four sticks of butter melted off of me.

I do a tiny happy dance (it was early-I counld't do a full blown out celebration). But Seanna and Emma walked in to get their hair done while I was doing my tiny dance. What are you doing Mom? (Seanna)
Having a mini-celebration- I lost a lb this week.
ONLY A POUND? ( I am feeling the victory melting out of my body)
AH GIRLS that is FOUR STICKS OF BUTTER-

Wow Mom great Job

** Now that is what I wanted to hear**

I know I am silly but I am keeping myself motivated. Don't be a hater when you see me and I am like a zipper ok- just warning you!!!

The six year old- bra story

So while at Walmart picking up my glasses on Saturday- Seanna and I bit the bullet and bought groceries- while shopping- I was lead (not by the spirit) to the kids area. I found these little Petshop "bras" more like t-shirts in size 6. I had to get one for Emma. She is a HUGE fan of Petshops and I knew she would go nuts over it.

She did.

On Sunday every time she would see me at church- she would point to her shirt and give me a thumbs up (I guess that is secret gesture for I have a "bra" on).

When going to her aunts she asked me if I put another bra in the bag for her overnight stay. I said- no you only have one. She said well my clothes look so much better when I wear one- I don't know what I am going to do.

Somehow I guess she managed.

This morning while she was putting on her deodorant (this is day 6 of this fascination) she said- really Mom- I need more bras. How can I make it with one.

I said- why don't you wear your bikini top under your clothes. She said - they don't give you any support- have you tried it?

Enough said

Emma 6 going on 16- Feb 18th, 08

Sunday Night Seanna had a sleep over at Alyson's house and Emma had a sleepover at her Aunt and Uncles house. Emma was quizzing me after church what I put in her overnight bag for her. Did you put in Pjs? Yes. Did you put in my toothbrush? Yes. Did you put in my deodorant? No- I didn't know you used it.

Yes- I wear Seanna's old deodorant now because Seanna told me my underarms smell like applesauce.

I at this point am in the church hallway about to split in half from laughing so hard.

Applesauce? What? I wonder what brand takes away the smell of smell of applesauce we all battle

Blessings Come in Tall Packages-Feb 18, 08

I know I am silly but I am keeping myself motivated. Don't be a hater when you see me and I am like a zipper ok- just warning you!!!

Monday, February 18, 2008

The 4100

I think there is a TV show called the 4100 or something like that- When I am talking about the 4100 I am talking about envelopes sitting at my house waiting for stamps and labels. This week we are sending out a huge mail-out to 4100 Pastors across the US. We only need 38 more Partner in Missions for the MK Ministries office to open full time. THIS WILL BE A HUGE HELP to our MKS. They will have someone 40 hours a week focusing on their ministry- rather than three people working on it when time permits. I think that MK Ministries has grown so much in the past six months- but this does not even touch what we are going to do with God's Help!!

If you are interested in joining with us- our website is www.upwithmks. and you can sign up there!!

For those of you who partner with us already- God is doing great things!!

Just pray with us that when these 4100 envelopes hit those churches- they will not be able to just lightly toss them in the trash- but open them up and fill out the PIM or go to the Website and sign up to be a partner.

If HE can make an ax head float
Make a donkey talk
Open up a sea
save you and me

This is nada for HIM!!!

The Lord Does Know What He is Talking About....

So a couple of weeks ago -while in my car- The Lord was like- I am opening up the door for you to speak at three ladies meetings this spring. I was like - Oh okay God-.

I had forgotten about this conversation.

Well yesterday I got an email from a member of the local Methodist Church. One of the members was at a ladies meeting that I spoke at- and requested that I speak at their ladies day luncheon in March.

Of course I flash back to that conversation in the car- Jesus sure does know what he is talking about.

I pray the Lord opens the DOOR for a real Ministering Moment with these ladies. IN HIS NAME!!!

Raspberry Vending Machine

So Why don't they have a mango vending machine- or a raspberry vending machine on my floor at work? Why don't they have a vending machine at all?

I just want a huge bowl of raspberries right now to go with my vat of water sitting next to me.

You all will hate me this summer when I am the same weight as a zipper and beautiful

Until then- I am dreaming of my new vending machines!

Jade Update

So I have called and called and went by WH and no Jade. She still works there -but they won't give me her schedule- which I totally understand.

I hope I can find her soon!!

What's Next- Feb 13, '08

I think
I plan
I wonder
I worry
I organize
I am good at what's next
I need to be good at what's now
Live in the moment
Breathe and let be
This year I have a lot that needs to be figured out, planned, get in order
But I have to balance that with today
Living in the moment
Who said this?
Ordinary things are almost taken for granted until it's almost too late

Hug tighter
reassure more
give quick and meaningful smiles
laugh
drink your coffee while its hot

Matthew 6:34 (The Message)
The Message (MSG)

34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Jade Part Deu- Feb 12 '08


	Jade is not at work today- I will attempt again tomorrow!! The story continues.................

In the back of your mind- theory- Feb 12'08

So when my Mom was here- she was telling me about an article that she read- that most people have something in the back of their mind that is always nagging at them. Something that they can never really focus on the rest of their world- because this bothers them. I said- wow- I know what John's is- and then I thought- Where do I start

My Mom said that hers is the clutter of paper that she has at home. Now if you have this visual of her and my Dad being waist high in paper- that is not how her house is- but she I am sure is always behind as they travel non-stop.

So I have been thinking about that for the past week and I think mine is my weight. I was telling a friend of mine that by the time I turn 40 in June I am going to be on my way to fabulous. So I talked to John about it last night (much to his chagrin) and I think I am going to sign up for Weight Watchers on line again.

IF YOU ARE CHUBBY as well and want to join me- please email me and I would love to have a get fabulous partner on this journey. Now as to the 497 other things that are in the back of my mind-I will have to deal with you later!!!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Jade

On Friday Night- John said- wherever you want to go- we will go. Just speak the word. The word I spoke was Waffle House. WHAT? You can go anywhere to eat and you choose Waffe House? Yes- I wanted a Bacon egg and cheese sandwich. So off we went.

We walked in to LOUD hip hop music- (shocking- normally the country music greets you at the door). Jade immediately smiled at us and said- Welcome to Waffle House.

We sat at our booth. She came over and cleaned it all over again- set out our cutlery, and gave us our menus. She commented on how cute the girls were. I just smiled and said thanks. We all were courteous, distant, and in our own world. She took our order. Put the girls straws in their milk carton for them and left the tops on. She went the extra mile to check on us frequently.

The Lord started talking in my ear. Get to know Jade and minister to her.
No thank you Lord. I am set tonight. I don’t want people, extra talk or extra smiling. I just want to eat my Bacon, Egg, and Cheese sandwhich and go.

She brought our food, and checked back with us. She then came back to our table toting a children’s book- Hansel and Grettle- She commented on how old it was and how hard it was to remember the story. I noticed she had colored contacts in and that she had a scar below her right eye. She had not had an easy life. I chatted briefly with her about the book.

The Lord again kept on in my ear- Dig in- minister to her.

I ignored him and started to eat my second half deliberately adding the pickles.

Do you need a refill? (all of our drinks were full) no- I think we are good.

Do it- the Lord said-

She came back again this time with a children’s joke book. She read two knock knock jokes to my girls. They laughed. We were now done eating.

How was everything? Jade asked- great I said- Are you off this weekend? I asked. I am off from 8 PM on. I said great- well I hope you have an awesome weekend (The Lord again is now telling me her weekend would be better if you would invite her to church) I ignore on.

I said have a good night and get up. I asked John to leave her a bigger than normal tip.
I head to the door. John has the girls in the jeep. I head to my car- full- but defeated. Why not head back in and be obedient? I again ignore the Lord.
I get in my car- turn off the Christian station and just want silence.
I don’t want to hear anything.
----------------------------------------
Sunday Night- During praise and Worship- I stand and sing with the group- Come into this house.
I again hear the voice- Jade might have wanted to come into this house.

I drown it out by singing louder.

I now see her face floating over a seat in the front.

“Come into this house, magnify the Lord, Lift up holy hands, our hearts in one accord”
Again the voice- she would have loved to have been here.

I push the voice out of my head.
I make it through the service.
I am driving home-
My 8 year old is talking
I don’t hear her
The only voice I can hear is Jade's
The only face I can see is hers
I pray for her-
Earnestly
I cry- for the lady that I had the opportunity to witness to and did not.

Tomorrow is Tuesday-
After work I would love to talk to you- but I am busy- I am heading to Waffle House-
I have to find Jade.

Sometimes better to be late than never!

Ding Dongs in the Freezer!

I spoke at our ladies tea in January about “The friendship of women.” I talked about the diff. levels of friendship- The Ruth/Naomi- Friendship – The Hannah/Penninah “Friendship” –The Jonathan/David- Friendship, and finally –The Mary/Elizabeth friendships in our lives.

I told them of a time in my life- after Hurricane Hugo that we had lost just about every material possession we had. The winds hit the island for 10 hours at 210 MPH. When we got to leave the room that the Lord kept us safe in- I found that my drawers were sucked out of the dresser, everything was wet and destroyed or just flat our missing.

I was going to TBC at that time- and had taken off that semester to stay at home and work. I just felt like the Lord told me to do so. So in obedience I did. I am so glad I was there for my parents as during the night- my Dad passed out with a “Stress Attack” I had to help my mother by literally holding the key in the dead bolt lock due to the pressure on the door.

Two weeks later when mail started to come into the island I had a box from my best friend at that time. It was Laura Coates. She sent me her Bible that her Pastor had given to her upon Graduation (one of her most favorite possessions). The outfit I always borrowed from her when I wanted to feel special. A pack of Fruit of the Loom underwear, and a box of ding dongs. Only your best friend in the world would send you a box like that- It was a pure Jonathan/David moment in my life. As I spoke that day- I really didn’t know if anyone was even listening after drinking warm tea, and digesting several calories of wonderful treats.

Imagine my shock on Saturday when a wonderful lady at church sent me a box- Do you know what was in it? Ding Dongs. Wow- Not only had she listened as I tried to minister that day- but she remembered- and she acted on it. Do people like this even exist anymore? I didn’t think so. BUT SHE DID.

That box of un-selfish Ding Dong giving probably ministered more to me than 20 preaching CDs. It came from her heart to mine.

I cried and laughed as I opened the box up and smelled of their goodness. John just stood there in amazement and starred at me- Ding Dongs? I said yes- Isn’t this the greatest ever.

I called my Mom- Woke her out of bed (she lives in a diff. time zone)- and Said Mom- you won’t believe it- God sent me a Ding Dong friend. She (of course) knew what I meant.

About three hours later at Pizza Hut I knew why the Lord had started my day of with the the Ding Dongs-for they were my strength while going through a rough situation.

The girls wanted Pizza Hut and so we hit their buffet. I was still not hungry at all- and was nibbling on my cardboard excuse of a piece when I saw her- a big bellied- full blown 8 month pregnant lady-being seated at the booth right next to us. I couldn’t believe it. Right next to us? Come on God. I am doing good – I am breathing – and I can talk in sentences again. But yes- she sat there. The tears started coming down faster than my Pizza Hut napkin could contain them. I had to leave. I didn’t want to spoil the girls and John’s meal. John returned with his plate and saw the pain in my eyes. Are you going to be okay honey? I said – I am going to go ahead and head out- you have the girls right?

What is wrong with Mama? Where is she going? The questions came pouring in.

Oh Mama has some Ding Dongs at home –she is going to eat those.

The 7 minutes home were flooded with tears. I had no numbers in my head- or cell phones that I wanted to call. I just wanted to get home and head to the freezer- For in it was a fresh box of ding dongs. They were all I needed. You see they represented the love, concern, and compassion of true friends. So what if I had a rough spot. The Lord has placed people in my life. People that will be there for you through thick and thin.

Who needs a bread stick- when you have manna from heaven in the circular shape of a Ding Dong!

I’m Sorry I was just here for the eye exam…

So on Saturday- I got up went to Kinkos to deliver a mail-out for Mk Ministries that we are doing- to 4100 pastors- We only need 40 more partners to be FULL TIME (YAHOO)

Then I went to get my eyes examined! I have been surviving on the only pair of contacts left since Conference. So with all of the salt that has been plastered on them over the last few months- I felt like I was looking at the world through a screen door J.

I usually go to Wal-Mart Vision Center (only the best for me). They did not have an appt until March (there are other cheap people in the world), so I choose the CLOSER Wal-Mart Vision Center. This Dr will remain nameless.

I walk in to find the office over-run by people and no place to sit- I wait three deep to sign in- Sign in and stand by the wall. The lady says – are you Cylinda? I said yes- She said here are your forms. She said that I could fill them out in the examination room as they were busy. I fill all three of them out and wait to be called. She then bust in the door to tell me I needed to go out there and put my soda in the trash. I said I did not have a soda. She said well someone left it out there and no one is claiming it. I went out there and threw it in the trash (Just to ward off the evil stares). There was now an empty seat. She is back again. Maam I will have to tell you – we don’t take personal checks- I said fine. We also don’t take debit cards. I said fine. She said so I can only take a credit card. I said fine. She said do you have one with your name on it. I said yes. She said I will have to see ID too. I said fine. She said I will have to make sure you card will hold $154.00 before I can let you see the Dr. I again said fine. She took my card.

Okay she said- You are lucky- It went through. (lol)

So then she said- I am going to do your first part of your exam and I need you to do only what I say. I said okay. She said do you have contacts in? She said well then why didn’t you tell me. I said you just asked. She said now we have to get up -and go get a case and you have take them out. I said okay. She said do you know how to take them out? I looked at her like she was high and said yes- I have been wearing them since I was 16. She said okay.

I walk back into the room. She then tells me be still and only do what I say. Okay

I do my little test.

The Eye Doctor.

I walk in- He is in a polo shirt and khakis and is very casual. He asked how I am doing blah blah blah. Figures out my eye prescription- with is this better or this? One or Two? I hate that part. I feel like a complete looser as sometimes one and two look the same. I am like- is this a trick question? They look the same. He tells me to concentrate (I am)

He then looks at my eyeballs (while shining a light that could be used on a midnight crime scene). Do you have high blood pressure? No

Your veins look like someone who has high blood pressure. I said I went to the Dr three weeks ago and it was 120/80- had surgery last weekend and it was high- but I was stressed out. Well keep an eye one your blood pressure. I think you have it. (Okay I didn’t realize that I was not getting a complete physical by my “eye” Dr)

Also do you see these rings under your eyes?

The Dark Circles I say?

Yes- That is a sign of being tired-

Yes- I agree (I say)

Well you have rings all the way around your eyes- which are a sign of exhaustion and stress to the highest level.

Wow I think now I am getting a complete physiological analysis for free.

Yes- I said I have been going through quite a bit of stress for the past 6 months.

Well – he says- That would explain your High Blood Pressure then too? Huh?

I said- Well up until today- no one has told me that I have it- but I can get it checked out.

Well- whatever it is that is causing this much stress and pressure, and exhaustion in your life you need to just cut it out- It is not good for you-

Do you think? /

I walked out with my credit card receipt thinking- Wow for 154.00 dollars I don’t know if my eye insurance will cover it- I got a complete physical and psychological exam for free. I popped my head back in the door to look at his license just to make sure he really had gone to school- He had.

I just happed to get a bonus J

People –you crack me up.

Now I could tell you about the process of trying to order more contacts and glasses but who has the time to read another LONG BLOG J

Happy Monday!~

Friday, February 08, 2008

Valentines Day Card Fiasco

So Why is it that Valentines Day Cards are such a HUGE DEAL for kids? I remember when I was in Kindergarten and my brother was in 3^rd grade that he woke up at 5 AM on Valentines Day to pick out cards- Try to find ugly ones for the girls and cool ones for the guys etc.

On Saturday- John had to work all day (along with Sunday) The girls had gotten their cards in from Current Magazine and were determined to do them. This is when I was still couch ridden and high on pain meds. They took them all out- They ordered the kind that had four animals with four packets of stickers to decorate your cards- and four people with four packets of stickers to decorate your people.

They divided all of them up- Seanna got 12 animals and 12 people.

Then Seanna folded all of hers into fourths and ripped them carefully. Emma decided she was going to just get the scissors and chop them up. This made Seanna so mad- she told Emma that she was ruining them. I ignored all of this. Then Seanna divided the four people and four animals out to make a pile of 8 cards and followed the abcd on both to find out which stickers went with which one (Up until this point in my life I thought that SAT test were hard- this was impossible)

Seanna made a list of each of her classmates. Signed her name on the cards and then put them in.

Emma on the other hand (who had chopped everything up) was now sorting them by “pretty” factor. This is so cute. This goes with this.

Seanna- No it does not – A goes with A

Emma- I don’t care

Seanna- You have to do it the right way

Emma- I want to do it the cute way

Seanna- They won’t look right when you do them

Emma- They will be cute

So I told Seanna let her do them the way she wants to – and you do them the way you want to. (again I was in pain and thumping mentally so I did not care). So ½ way through I said to Emma –who had heavily taped her envelops did you sign you name on each card? Sign my name? I have to sign my name? Ah yes Emma so they will know that they are from you.

Oh man

Well take the scissors and cut them open and then sign your name and tape them back. At this point the cards look like something found in a refugee camp that were used as placemats and napkins to refugees.

She finishes all of them and now is trying to remember who is in her class. She is asking me questions like-

You know the chubby girl in my class that has hair the color carrots and it is poofy and her mom is chubby and has the color of hair of carrots and is poofy- do you know her name?

Again- I am high on pain pills and am thinking Does Carrot Top have a sister who has a child in this class J

I said no-

Seanna says- Anna.

Next- Mom you know the boy we saw that time in Target that yelled at me- that was in my class –do you remember his name?

Seanna- Tyler?

Yes-

At this point- I am just wanting to shred all of her valentines day cards and suggest. Why don’t you go through the yearbook look at last years pictures and figure out how to spell them and who was in your class from that.

Emma- Great idea Mom

After 2 hours- The valentines day cards were complete.

I felt like a vegetable (corn I think)

I did not want to hear another thing about valentines day cards.

Tuesday- We get a note home from Emma’s Teacher to all students. This year we are asking all students to send in cards without addressing the envelopes – so that no one will be left out.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ALL OF THAT FOR THIS???

Emma started to cry- I about did with her-

I promised her – We will go out and buy new envelops and I would help her re-stuff.

I am thinking about sending a note into the principal abolishing Valentines Day Cards. The students should feel the love without the paper J

To My Sweet Baby- Written on 2/5/08

Friday- February 8th-
This is the last of the notes about the baby. I am moving on in blog-land. This is something that I had written on Monday. Writing is a release for me- and this was one of them that I will share. John said to me after my surgery- This will be a great tool for your ministry when you speak at your ladies thing-ies in the future (gotta love husbands) I told him - I don't care about speaking at ladies thing-ies anymore.

Thanks for all of your prayers- My fever broke last night in the night- and my cold is so much better. After a week and 1/2 I am starting to feel more normal. That is until a "sweet" lady in the coffee line asked- so what does it feel like to know you have a dead baby inside of you? I looked at her and said - WHAT? She said - Oh I'm sorry was that too personal (do you think?) "So what was the surgery like? How long does it take to recover?" I just smiled and moved on (HIS GRACE is sufficient- repeat 5 times)

Here it is- to my baby:

I know

I know I’ll never see your cute little face
Hold your tiny hand
See your long eyelashes
Or even tell you when it hurts I understand

I know I’ll never give you a hug
Change your first diaper
I won’t be able to tell you- don’t be scared
It’s just a bug!

I know I’ll never put a band-aid on your knee
Pray over you at night
Or hear you laugh with glee.

I know I’ll never hear you coo
Say Mama Or Dada
Or get to play peek a boo

I know we’ll never have any of those “firsts”
But I do know this-

I love you with all of my heart
You are heavens little Deposit straight to up above
How special you are
For you see-
He wanted to see you first

So today- Its hard, it hurts, and I don’t understand
But the one who’s holding you now
Is also here holding my hand

I know I love you sweetie
I can’t wait until I get to see your sweet little face
You have a family in heaven
A family on earth
For the wee weeks that you were here
You made the world a better place

I miss you-

Mommy

I don't know about this God- 2/6/08

I am sick today-
Literally
My Mom left early as my Dad is sick in ST. Louis
I have a cold and the chills and I am at work
I have left my desk four times since 12 noon to pray
(In the bathroom stall)

If you see me face to face I will smile
I will tell you everything is going okay
I will tell you that God has it under control
and that is really how I feel

When I think about it all in my head
I just don't want my Mom to leave
I don't want to have a cold
I don't want to be transparent with people
To see their tiny smiles
To see them run into their offices when I walk by at work
I want to be invisible and not cause people to cringe
But the Lord remains firm
You are going to be used in a mighty way
Be transparent
Help others
Reach out

I remind him that the only transparent thing I like right now is tape
and I don't want to wrap any packages at the moment
So
Each day
I will submit
I will be transparent
I will be used
I will smile
I will be fine
and slowly you know what?
I Will be

HE is awesome
HE really does have great plans for me
The doors are bursting open even now!

Transparency for some reason
Is his key for me

I wish I could have lost my key chain

Lord I thank you- 2/6/08

I am jumbled
I am alone
I am scared
I am paranoid
I am quick to cry
Slow to smile

Lord I thank you

I am protective
I am guarded
I am unsteady
I am questioning
I am astonished
I am weathered

Lord I thank you

Your Grace is sufficient- Lord I thank you
Your Mercy never fails- Lord I praise you
Your Joy comes in the morning- Lord I worship you

My heart feels it
My lips will soon repeat it
Lord I thank you

For you do all things perfectly
Ignore my silent screams
Please see that I am trying to radiate you
Lord I thank you

Why is it? 2/6/08

Why is it
That I have to write?
That my insides scream out
Until it is all on paper

When it is on paper
The broken pieces
Of my heart
Are still there
But maybe by writing
It will
Lead me to the path
To collect them
With my huge roll
Of scotch tape
And be able to see clearly
How to hold them up to HIM
So He can put the pieces back together again

The words
The jumbled thoughts
The pieces
The broken shards of glass
Which threaten to cut me
All make sense
When he touches them

They become whole
And alive again

For it is the torn petals
That are fragrant to Him

We lost the baby- Thanks for your prayers! 1/31/08


	Thank you all so much for your kind emails, comments, calls. I have not really grasped all of this yet. All I know is that the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away- blessed be the name of the Lord!!! Love you all- Keep praying for Emma and Seanna- CN

Oh and by the way- 1/30/08

God doesn't need your help by:
Putting him in a box
Figuring things out for him
Labeling/Judging/Rating others based on Your opinion

He pretty much can head up the universe by himself.

Get off of your high horse and start loving people and you will be amazed at how people will respond to you!

I feel better now-
for free therapy call 1-800-Got-God?

Hey you all- 1/24/08

So I have been the lax blogger lately. I have been so behind on life that I can't get on here! January in the travel world is our busiest month. We do more tickets in the first two weeks than we do in November and December together.

That coupled with the fact that had not got caught up on MKM jobs, outside sales, Sunday School, Kids Church, Kids in Prayer, our HOUSEWORK OR LAUNDRY- I could not focus

SO I am starting to see the light.

Seanna was sick for 10 days straight January 9th-20th. She had strep which the Drs did not find on the first test but PTL found on the second.

On the 12th of January I went to the Dr and had a biopsy on my head (yes they found my brain)

and I went in to just have a spot looked at and came out with two stitches. They will call with the results by the 26th they said. I had skin cancer when Emma was a baby and had a plastic surgeon and 97 stitches to close it. So we are praying that this is a TINY matter

We had Kids Night out Banana Night on the 18th- Blast- had banana splits and fun for all-

I go to the OB on the 30th to find out all the BABY information. I can now say BABY and not panic and pass out!! God is good and every good and perfect gift comes from him!!

Tomorrow Emma is being rewarded to be a Fantastic Kid at school. She got a math award for her class so it was taped to the FRONT of the Fridge when I got home. Seanna said - why is that so special I was in the paper for A honor roll twice (they love each other)

Really I am proud of both of them as they are good girls- they love each other and love to sing and worship Jesus (most important).

Monday January 28th would have been my Mother-in-laws Birthday so I know that it will be a hard day on John and Penny.

GOD is so good to us all is he not? He gives us daily strength.

Now for the things I forgot when you are pregnant list:

You go to the bathroom every five seconds
You can't drink diet coke
You can't eat hotdogs
You can't eat lunch meat
You have a huge stomach even at 12 weeks
You are exhausted (as in I fell asleep at work one day)
You have to go to the bathroom (did I mention that)
You have vivid dreams (no I have not killed a girl with bouncy balls and John is not trying out for a job as a monkey)
You need to eat FIBER (enough said)

And you get to see a baby in about 4 years if you make it through!!

Love you all- I will blog tomorrow as there is a lot in this little brain that needs to get out-

OH BTW to see the latest CULTURE SHOCK and PASSPORT KIDS (publications of MK MINISTRIES) go to www.upwithmks.com and look under publications.

Love you all like a huge diet coke (I miss have I mentioned that?)

Cinderalla and the Ten Commandments

So Sunday Mornings- We usually have our first session together in kids church and then break out into small groups more fitting to their age. This past week I had the Kinder and under crew. We were doing a maze trying to get Moses moved around through to the 10 commandments.

First question for Ava- Ava who is the man who went up the mountain to go and get the ten commandments-
Ava- Cinderella?
Cylinda- No -it was a man can you remember?
Ava- A Princess?
Dana- I like Cinderella too
Ava- Me too
Dana- I like princesses too
Cylinda- Great- but this is a man do you know who?
Emma- It's Moses guys- Cinderella didn't exist back then

Later on in the session-
We were supposed to all be parts of a machine that made diff. noises that passed a ball to each other (to show we are many people -one church etc).
Cylinda- Ava- what noise do you want to be?
Ava-Cinderella
Dana-No I'm Cinderella
Cylinda-None of us are going to be Cinderella we are going to make noises like swoosh, squeak squeak.
Ava- I am going to make Cinderella noises.

So as you can see- we had quite the Cinderella small group time on Sunday!! They are so cute- If they could only stay young!!

How is God So Amazing- 1/15/2008

So today- I really really was ministered to from a person who lives far away from my time zone. This is what was sent to me.....

Psalm 51:10 (NIV) speaks powerfully to us about a new beginning! It says: "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

In another version (MSG) it says: "God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life." At the beginning of this new year our prayer is that you will let the message of this verse be a Genesis event for you.

Wow- Talk about walk out of the Bible and into my life. Thanks for being sensitive to him.

NOW- here is how this applies to you and I- how many times has the Lord impressed YOU to email, call, send a note, hug someone and you have thought- I must be the weirdest person on earth-

YOUR NOT-
HE wants to USE YOU to minister to others!!

let HIM flow through YOU!!

Love ya

Full Hands- 1/10/08

God Can't put things into hands that are already full!!

Chuck Swindoll

Let it go already!!