To My Sweet Baby- Written on 2/5/08

Friday- February 8th-
This is the last of the notes about the baby. I am moving on in blog-land. This is something that I had written on Monday. Writing is a release for me- and this was one of them that I will share. John said to me after my surgery- This will be a great tool for your ministry when you speak at your ladies thing-ies in the future (gotta love husbands) I told him - I don't care about speaking at ladies thing-ies anymore.

Thanks for all of your prayers- My fever broke last night in the night- and my cold is so much better. After a week and 1/2 I am starting to feel more normal. That is until a "sweet" lady in the coffee line asked- so what does it feel like to know you have a dead baby inside of you? I looked at her and said - WHAT? She said - Oh I'm sorry was that too personal (do you think?) "So what was the surgery like? How long does it take to recover?" I just smiled and moved on (HIS GRACE is sufficient- repeat 5 times)

Here it is- to my baby:

I know

I know I’ll never see your cute little face
Hold your tiny hand
See your long eyelashes
Or even tell you when it hurts I understand

I know I’ll never give you a hug
Change your first diaper
I won’t be able to tell you- don’t be scared
It’s just a bug!

I know I’ll never put a band-aid on your knee
Pray over you at night
Or hear you laugh with glee.

I know I’ll never hear you coo
Say Mama Or Dada
Or get to play peek a boo

I know we’ll never have any of those “firsts”
But I do know this-

I love you with all of my heart
You are heavens little Deposit straight to up above
How special you are
For you see-
He wanted to see you first

So today- Its hard, it hurts, and I don’t understand
But the one who’s holding you now
Is also here holding my hand

I know I love you sweetie
I can’t wait until I get to see your sweet little face
You have a family in heaven
A family on earth
For the wee weeks that you were here
You made the world a better place

I miss you-

Mommy