Thank you Mom!

My Mom flew in on Saturday at noon and is flying out today. I don't want to see her go. She is my second best friend (after John) my confidant, my giggle sharer, my encourager, my equal outer. In fact I am sitting here typing and crying like a 5 year old (I don't know why I picked that age) because I don't want to see her go.
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Then I think of Penny and John and the void, the pain in the gut of their stomach as they have a Mother in ICU and they must be thinking the same thing. I don't want to see her go.

My missing my Mom- and them Missing their Mom is a totally different thing.

I can pick up my cell phone and call her.
They can not

She is here- but she is not here
She is in ICU- but not with them.

There comes a point in life when you release someone to the Lord. I have not been blogging about my feelings of John's Mother in the hospital as some things are too hard, too personal, too raw to express.

We have been in a daze the last 32 days and have kind of like been in a fog. You tell people- I am fine, I am not really stressed. But you hit the bed at night and feel like a mack truck has mowed you down.

You lay in bed- but you listen for the phone
You listen to conversations but your mind is listening to another conversation- what will the Dr.s know today- how will she do? Will she eat today? Will they be able to take her off of the feeding tube, the oxygen? Will she know Penny or John today.

The reason I have not typed the feelings of my heart is that I am a stubborn, prideful German backgrounded individual which feels like keep a stiff upper lip- you are blessed and you will get through this. I don't want anyones pity for my family.

Today on the way to work while I was doing my morning prayers the Lord said- Today is the day you need to write about this-

So I am writing.

I am writing about a woman who gave her all for her children- a woman known as my mother in law.

A woman who lost her husband when her son was 8 and her daughter was 6. Who made sure they always were in Methodist Sunday School, always had clean clothes, were fed, and felt her love.

A woman who put herself aside and poured what she had into them. Who had them in dance classes, Horseback riding, who was their greatest cheerleader, and their biggest hug giver. A woman who never missed my husbands Basketball games.

A woman who was their encourager, their friend.

A woman who taught my husband how to honor a woman, and stand up with the courage of a man.

A woman who instilled in him the where with all to be a father- but yet having little remembrance of his own.

A woman who could out cook any other woman out there.

A woman who loves my daughters with the love of a Grandmother.

So today as she lays in ICU and fights for her life I say- Hold on to Jesus Mom. Hold on to him just like you held on to John and Penny, Just like you accepted me into your life, Just like you accepted Steve (my brother in law) into your life, and just like you hold onto your grandchildren!

Hold on to Jesus- cause he is only a breath away.

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My Mom flies out today. She returns to St. Louis to be with my Dad, to live her life. But my other Mom (to you known as my mother in law) is in ICU- fighting for her life. I have released her today and held her up to Jesus.

Hold on to Jesus Mom- He loves you even more than we do!
He will never let you go!

Update and Cylinda vs. Rent a Cop!

Hey you guys- Kool Aid Man is here-

How scary would that have been really- A huge jug of Kool-Aid busting through the wall. Nightmare City I would say.

So Bettie (My Mother In Law) is on day 31 of being in the hospital. Today I went at lunch and they are putting her into ICU. She does not know anyone and is really having a battle. They are doing further testing and should know more tomorrow. Right now they feel that she is having heart failure in the right side of her heart.
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Emma’s Toenail did finally fall off the Thursday- Gross me right out the door. She brought it home in a baggie and wanted to put it under her pillow for the Toenail fairy- Who by the way has still not shown up- So if you have kids with teeth that have fallen out and the tooth fairy is on her way to your house- can you ask where the toe nail fairy has been- Thanks-
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I found out the reason Emma was vomiting non stop on Wed. Night is that John was giving her 1 1/2 Tablespoons of the antibiotic instead of tsp. Thanking the Lord that she DID vomit, and Thanking the Lord for a husband who helps me out when others are dead beat Dads!

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My Mom flew in on Saturday (for which I about sang the Hallelujah Chorus from beginning to end) and leaves tomorrow- for which I am saying Thank you Jesus. John is in Augusta, GA and won’t be back until Friday Night. I fly out on Saturday am to Fort Lauderdale to meet with Brother Howell, Carla Burton, and Mark Hattabaugh about MK Ministries…then I fly home on Saturday Night.
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Friday’s Funny Story-

So you know that things have been stressful at our house lately. On Friday Seanna was being honored at her class for being a “Terrific Kid” We had to be at school by 6:45-7:00 AM to get her special breakfast and award ceremony. We leave the house at 6:45. I am going separate from John as I have to leave right after Seanna’s award and get to work as my boss was out in the am.

I get to school after about getting smashed by a school bus....drive into a dirt lot -did I mention it was pouring rain? I find out my umbrella’s are all in John’s car. I run to the sidewalk-and had the sidewalk- Cop – wanna be- car line director yell at me for not waiting for him to signal me to walk. I look back and see my car lights are on. I run back. Get my heel stuck In the mud and hit my body- falling face first into the car. He now yells by the way your car lights are on- I am like thank you (while thinking I know moron why do you think I just endangered myself by running back) I then wait for him to signal me over. I get to the outside of the cafeteria and am banging on the door for someone to let me in. The Principal comes to the door and tells me that I have to go to the office and get a visitor sticker and sign in. I am drenched and my hair can be rung out by this time.

I go to the office sign in and get my stupid silver sticker (alliteration rocks) and head to the cafeteria. They have already started. I go in the line and get a cold donut and warm white milk (yuck) and sit down with John and Seanna (who is just shaking her head at me). Why are you so late? I am so embarrassed.

Oh really I said? (Thinking evil thoughts as I shoot the principal a look). Seanna Nickel- you have been awarded this award on behalf of your classmates……I jump up…take the picture… Tell her I am proud of her. Give her a kiss…put her award in my purse and go out the back door. I walk by the principal and smile widely as I go out the ILLEGAL DOOR.

I am hoping they don’t reprobate Seanna for her Mother’s behavior. I walk back into the rain (who cares are this point) Get close to my car and the same Wanna be Cop says- you know you didn’t have to go back to your car before- your lights went off on their own as soon as you got there.

I prayed for peaceful thoughts as I smiled sweetly and said. You have been the most helpful person today – Thank you! (In my best southern sugary sweet accent). Have I mentioned I don’t have a southern accent? You didn’t know that? Neither did Mr. Law.

I got back in my car and cursed out Ponch and John from every past Chips episode I had ever seen That is when I snuck over to my friend’s house on Friday Nights in the islands.

Go get a real job cop boy now I have to get to work!

Update on John's Mom- 4:45 PM

So for all of you who have emailed as to how John's Mom is doing- thanks so much- It has meant the world!!

She is still with us!

She fell on the 29th of September broke her right hip and right wrist. At that time she had to wait for five days for the surgery to get her blood thicker as she takes blood thinner. After the surgery she did fine- until the 14th. She was put into ICU to manage her pain- she was having internal bleeding and developed a blood clot in her right hip area. They had to wait until the 18th to do the surgery as they again could not get her blood thick enough to do surgery (she would have just bled to death) She has not responded to us since the 16th- Her whole body was jerking and twitching and she was screaming out in pain when you saw her in ICU. on the 18th she had surgery (which they said it was unlikely that she was strong enough for) she made it through. She was put on a ventilator after to help her body recover. They tried to wean her on the 20th and could not. On the 21st we received a call that the DR wanted to talk to John and Penny. At that point they were told that they needed to prepare for the worst etc.

The second call on Sunday was that she was bleeding internally again and would require another surgery that the blood clot had come back. They were going to transport her to the main hospital where they were better equipped for the challenges that this brought. On Sunday night at 11:00 she was transported to that hospital. That night the family was told it was not good etc.

Monday they did a brain scan to check for activity (as she was still not responding). They made the decision to not have the surgery. This morning she started getting stronger and was able to signal to yes and no questions. They need to wean her off the ventilator ASAP. They are doing this today.

So that is where we are at. This has been a real emotional roller coaster. Our kids don't know how serious it has been. Penny- John's sister has been amazing through all of this and I can't imagine the pressure, fear, pain, doubts, fears she and John have faced. Their father died when they were 6 and 8 and their Mother has been both parents to them.

Thanks for all of your prayers-emails-and kindness. Sorry I have been slow to respond to things- we have been living 1/2 at the hospital- at work- with the kids then church all as much as possible!!

Love you blogging buddies!

Cn

Why am I the dork parent that signs up for parent teacher conference at 7:00 AM??

That is what I was asking myself on a day when the kids had NO SCHOOL why am I still getting up at 6?

I get to school- 2 minutes late
I get lost in the school- now am 4 minutes late
Seanna is in another building- now am 6 minutes late

I walk in the room-

I am so sorry I am late (I suddenly revert back to 3rd grade myself and mentally tell myself you the adult- don't slip into a desk and pull out a notebook out of your purse-reminder you use pens now)

Well I can see now why Seanna walks in at the last minute every day says Mr. Martelli.

Really I think

Suddenly he burst out in laugher-

The tension is broken

I have a permission slip from my Mom as to why I am late I say as I sit down- It was very hard to get as they are in the air flying to Brazil right now.

Immediately knowing why I like him- he responds- And I bet the dog ate your homework too? How did he know?

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3rd grade for Cylinda was a little different

I went to a school that had no screens, only louvered windows. The school was shut down when it was raining as we had galvanized tin roofs and it was loud. I went to a private school with my bag lunch of salami with peppers sandwich (complete with miracle whip-gross) an apple and on a good day Cheetos.

In first grade I had all of the first graders in my class that knew how to spell their name - sign my petition to change the drinking fountain in the front of the school turned into a kool-aid (red preferred) - The principal did not agree. My first sign that I should not run for 1st grade student government.

First grade was also the year that I told the swimming teacher I forgot my suit four weeks in a row- until the note went home. Then I reverted to the excuse that I had surgery on my belly button and the stitches had not healed yet. That only was good for two weeks.

Second grade- I fell and hit my head on the corner of my teacher’s desk while running up to take the erasers out to be cleaned (can you spell brown-noser?). My parents where on another island, my brother went to the ER with me- all the while saying- if you wouldn't have run you- you wouldn't need stitches. I came home to find my babysitter had just run over our cat.

Third Grade-I went dumpster diving in the neighborhood trash bin and found some 3 inch platform sandals too good to pass up. On the last day of school I put them in a brown paper sack and put them on when I got to school. My legs were so tall I could not fit them under my desk the whole day. But I was the envy of all of the girls. That was until my Mom came across the stashed paper bag in a cleaning exploit over the summer. Not so cool then.

Forth Grade-Saturday Night Fever just came out- I remember them playing the record (for you younger ones that is a large disk that is black and looks like a CD but larger) and me standing there as I knew I was not to dance. At last the whole class was dancing but me. One boy- Joey Garcia came up and asked if I wanted to dance- I told him I don't dance- and he said I don't either just stand there and make circles with your hands and I will too. I held that in for two weeks until one night at prayers- I had to come clean with my Dad. Dad- your daughter is going to hell. I will miss you while you are in heaven? Why Cylinda? I danced with my hands- My feet stayed still- but I made circles out of my hands.

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The teacher's conference was over- Seanna is at 95th percentile for her age. John is going to Emma's at 10:00 - that will be a diff. story. Seanna is John- Emma poor dear is her mother!

Is it too late now to sign up to be a hippo? - October 11th

Do you see that big relaxed smile on both of their faces??
This is because they both slept last night and no one in their house had a banged up toe- It is too late to become a hippo? I look great in a tutu? And flossing would be easier!

(See below blog if this does not make sense)

Somebody bring me an ax....I am going to cut off my ears- October 11th

So you may or may not know- John’s Mom has been in the hospital this time since September 29th. This is 6 weeks since the end of June.

We have been dividing our time between hospital, family, work, church, and home. I got a call on Monday that our babysitter’s son has the croup- so John took of Tuesday and Friday (his Christmas vacation days) I worked from home yesterday afternoon, and today we have a friend helping us out- (Thank you Ashley and Hallelujah).


So this being said- It has been a little crazy at our house. Yesterday- I am in the car line and see Seanna –Looks normal- good. Emma- Wearing Dora t-shirt and it looks like PJ pants-not normal. I suddenly think- I need more sleep.
They get in the car...
Cylinda-What happened Emma?

Emma-My Substitute teacher spilled tea down my back, they took me to the office and changed me, I asked for a skirt, they didn’t have any, I started to cry and said My Mom would beat me, and they still didn’t have anything (this was all said in one breath- she then proceeds to cry and look at me).

Cylinda-First of all- we don’t beat you- Second of all- I totally understand- and third you were really brave to go through that today-
Really she asked?
Really

Seanna is disgusted that she was not called brave and snorts in the back seat as she sits next to her.

We make it through homework, dinner, and are getting ready to go to church when I hear bang and scream. Emma has blood spurting out of her right big toe- her plate is on the floor and Joe (the overweight Daschund) is eating her food. She said – The fork stabbed me. I said did Joe eat your food? Did he bite you ? (Thinking if he did- his days are numbered) No, she said I dropped the plate on my toe. Her toe is immediately turning purple. Under the nail is dark purple (she will loose the nail I know) She screams at the top of her lungs for about 8 minutes (yes, I time these things) She will not let anyone hold her but me (lucky, I know) so John moves the plates from the table etc.

I told her we have to calm down so that we can get ready for church. Ever the drama queen she tells me that she can not go to church with a toe like this. I assured her she could and help her change into new clothes and slippers. (that have Penquins and say "Just chill"- I know -only high fashion in my house).

We make it to church. After church John heads to the hospital to be with his Mom and I take my brother in law to pick up his van. At home she starts crying again. In the meantime my Mom and Dad (who are on their way to Brazil today) call me and want to go over some things. She is so loud I can't hear them. I told them I would call them back and get her some more Motrin. I lay her on the couch and call my parents back.

Back at the crying-it is now 10:45- I am getting a tad bit cranky and ready for her to SLEEP. 11:30- John gets home from the hospital and the howler (otherwise known as Emma) is still at it. She can’t get comfortable, all she can think about it her toe, what if the toe explodes when she goes to sleep? Do toes grow back? Ice feels cold! Why do washcloths get cold when ice is in them? All of this is said through loud sobs and wails of tears!

To make an excruciating night short, the Readers Digest version, she was up until 4:00 PM. At about 2 Am I was ready for someone to bring me an ax- so that I could just cut off my ears to not hear her crying. She just would not stop.

Oh I just remembered I have my camera with me at work I will take a picture for you.

The alarm went off at 6:00 am and I hit it so hard her juice box which was sitting next to it flew off the night stand. I was hoping it would hit Joe in the head. John at this point has moved to the couch (I would not recommend this for any other six foot 8 man) and Seanna was standing by my bed alerting me that the alarm just went off. Really? I said (thinking I just might have to slug her as well) Silently ranting that my body does not register two hours of shuteye as sleep.

I get Seanna ready for school, try to figure out what to do with Emma, and decide I will have to take her to work. On the way to work today she is talking non stop- about this and that, and that and this. Finally she stops and says... Are you listening to me? Of course I am Emma (not). Well I just told you even if my whole toe falls off it makes it worth it....because I can spend the whole day with you. When I get there should I make a schedule of things for us to do at your job? Probably not I told her- as I have to work while you watch strawberry shortcake DVDs.

It is 10:17 Am now I AM ready to watch Strawberry Shortcake and tell all travelers- You are on your own today- I don’t have ears left because I chopped them off last night!!!

Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 4:
To everything there is a season, . . . a time to weep and a time to laugh.

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She just told me Mom- You know you one of my sweetest friends- I treasure you- Quoted just like strawberry shortcake would I think

And now she is lying on a blanket ready for a nap!

Just a happy waking thought- October 10th

Did you ever think as you sip on your java-

You are drinking a liquid that is boiled from beans, made bearable by the liquid that shoots out of a cow, and is sweetened by the substance that is smashed out of beets?

Enjoy that cup of coffee-

And have a great day- Life is all about the way we look at it

Now come over here little piggy I want some of your rump as my bacon!

Sam the Shoplifting Seagul- October 9th

So I saw this video today- sent to me by a teenager...and I love it...but then it hit me- this is how some people live spiritually. Some of us are being robbed blind by some things that WE allow into our own lives. Doubt, fear, bitterness, depression, judgemental attitudes, rebellion, and on and on. SHUT THE DOOR PEOPLE.

Who is stealing the Doritos in your life? Why are you letting them in daily? Shut the door. It's not a hard concept. SAYING NO can be a relief.

BTW I can see Joe our overweight Daschund doing the same thing with his short stubby legs!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3075041033513649325&q=Dorito+stealing+bird&total=7&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0

I'm sorry I missed the "It's Fall and we are having 93 degree weather" memo- October 9th

Okay this is my rant for the day

It is so hot out that you can't buckle your seat belt
Flies are flying into the screens trying to end their short life to get out of the heat.
Pumpkins are carving themselves just to cool off
A cell phone sticks to your face while talking
Milk goes bad in the fridge from the short way home in the 150 degree car

I HAVE NOT AIR IN MY CAR PEOPLE GIVE ME A BREAK. The 20 minute journey to the hospital at lunch and 20 minutes back to the office was sheer torture. I was ready to sit in my bra and underwear but figured my clothes would be so wet from sitting on the front seat I would have to wring them out before putting them on and that was just another job which would make me sweat more.

I was ready to smear mud on my face to cool down- but wait we are in a drought and there is no mud.

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I think you get the point-

I am hot-
I had a frosty for lunch
Healthy I know
and you know what?
I ripped the sides off when i was done and licked the cup
Yes I did
In the heat
In the traffic
People saw me
and I didn't care
they should have been glad
I was fully clothed while I did it

Choose Life- October 6th

"I have set before you life and death, blessings and cursings. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God. Listen to His voice and hold fast to Him." Deuteronomy 30:19-20

So I sit in front of my laptop- ignoring my 100 things to do- to look up a scripture that has been on my mind all day today- Found in Deuteronomy 30:19 and 20. CHOOSE LIFE- you affect your destiny so much by your choices.

I can be mad at God that things don't go my way or that they seem to take forever to happen or I can
Choose Life

I can cry and be depressed that my life won't fit in a neat box or I can
Choose Life

I can compare myself to others who I feel have it all together and are being used of God or I can
Choose Life

I can become bitter about things thrown into my path. Things that have left me flat on my face crying before the Lord in a pit of loneliness or I can
Choose Life

Today I choose life

As I sat at the hospital with John’s Mother today at the hospital with my two daughters I thought about life. How as a family we have fought for hers. I thanked the Lord for every minute she has shared with us. For seven years ago they told us after being in ICU for three months that she had a 3% chance of survival. I saw my husband and my Sister in Law- choose life. I saw them in faith stand in the gap for my Mother-In Law and pray her into existance.

Since June she has been in the hospital 5 weeks on and off. I have seen her battles, I have heard her cry out in pain, I have watched as my girls have prayed to God for their Grammie. I saw them Choosing Life on her behalf.

Today I saw life pouring out of her as the blood transfusion she was receiving was going wrong. We left the room as they tried once again to get another IV started. Life – Blood. For she will not live without blood, or more hemoglobin- even as we cannot live without it.

Life= Him. He shed his blood so that I could have life. I thought as we came back into the room (as they were trying to scrub, clean, remove the spilled blood around her) about those that must have wanted to clean Jesus's blood off of their rough uniforms when they came home that night. The frantic feeling they must have had as the stain would not leave. Even as they scrubbed they must have thought of the pain that they inflicted to His body, and the love that shined down in His eyes for them. For you see He choose death- for them, for you, and for I …that we might have life.

Is the path always smooth? No! Some days you may have rocks in your dryer or pebbles in your sandles but you have life. You have Him. For any man who is in Christ is a new creature- behold old things are past away and all things are become new (whole, full of life)

Today I don’t know the questions, pain, disappointments, joys, delays, hurts, thoughts that you are filled with- but in every aspect of your walk- CHOOSE LIFE. He gave it to you freely.

For he has come that you might have LIFE and have it more abundantly. In closing I love the last part of the verse- Listen to His voice…Hold FAST TO HIM. I don’t know who you are – but I am praying for you right now. HOLD FAST. CHOOSE LIFE. DON’T LET GO. The answer is right around the corner and your name is about to be changed from Jacob to Israel!

Strange thought for the day- October 5th

America buys six tubs of Cool Whip every second.

What are you doing people???

Ministering from the Fish Bowl of Life

I have been obsessed with Gold Fish lately. If you don’t believe me check out the layout in the new CULTURESHOCK {www.upwithmks.com- publications- then September/October edition}.(( Melinda Poitras Editor in Chief did a Rock On JOB) In thinking about them today (I know I am weird) I thought about how it must be for them to have a life that everyone looks at daily.

Their mistakes- picking up pebbles in their mouth while trying to eat food- how many times have I put my foot in my mouth?

Their victories- the way they twirl and spin with loveliness

Their loneliness- Buy them in two people....you like to have someone in your life how do you think they feel?

But just for the sake of this blog- let’s talk about the fishbowl.

From the time I was born I was in a Pastor’s home. Then when I was 4 ½ transitioned to a Missionaries home. I have been in the public eye from the time I was little- or today let’s call it the fishbowl. I would not trade it for anything- but yet I have always known that more was going to be required of me.

If we live our lives in the reality that we know someone is always watching us it can be an un-expected gift. What? A gift- Yes, a gift of seeking a greater level of being more like HIM. By cleansing yourself in HIM daily. I also great times of hurt, loneliness, and miss-understanding in that fishbowl. Times on deputation when I was just looking for one warm smile in a church filled with strangers, times where I wanted one new friend in a new school, times when I did not want to leave my country to return to the US, and finally times when I did not want to leave the US for my country. But with all of those feelings I was still – in the fishbowl.

I have a friend who was struggling with three small children aged 1, 2, and 3. She said there were days that she felt like she would want to scream. The only way she would get through the day was to act like she was a nanny, training other nannies, in front of a group of people. She would act as though she were a chef on a cooking show at dinner, and do her very best daily.

If I make an effort to realize that other’s eyes are on me I want to make sure they will see HIM in me. I want others to realize that I have to breathe in his Living Water in my gills daily. I have to exhale evidence that I am filled with his Holy Spirit.

A lot of times in my life I have found myself in a place where I was dependent of God to be fed. Our ministries are not based on anything WE have achieved. A fish does not flip and flop its way into the bowl of its choice. It can’t be super cute to attract just the right little girl or boy to take it home. It is intentionally placed there by the one who fully intends to support, nurture, and sustain life. So if you are feeling water logged today remember true ministry is received not achieved.

Sometimes our fish bowls become cloudy. Sometimes the ph (pride-humility) balance isn't quite right. Sometimes we get distracted by the curious onlookers. We feel intimated by the apparent audience and we begin to perform. Sometimes unexpected waves begin to churn when the bowl gets jostled.

The Bottom line is ride the waves. Look up and only up to be fed. Enjoy your boundaries. Wow did you say that? Yes – he has you in this bowl for a season AND for a reason. You are where Living Water is contained. I have prayed many times LORD SWITCH THE TANK NOW…but he has a reason to place us where we are for each season of our life! Swim ON.

Your purpose in the fish bowl is not to PERFORM but reflect the one who put you there in the first place. And while we are on the subject he is the only one that can promote you! He is the one who feeds you. He is the one who empowers you. When anyone takes a look in your fishbowl may they see HIM and only Him.

“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children.” Eph. 5:1

Stange conversations in the car- Part 797 (other 796 not listed)

This Week:
So this has been another crazy week in the Nickel Household. In fact I have been running on here to check emails and that is about it! I left General Conference early on Saturday Morning to come home so that John could be at the hospital with his Mom. She fell late Saturday afternoon and broke her right hip and wrist. She was not stable enough (heart wise and blood wise) to have surgery until yesterday. She is on the road to recovering. She is in ICU-she lost a lot of blood during the surgery etc but is doing as well as can be expected.

So needless to say this would not have been the week I would have picked nor would John have picked to be in Augusta Ga. He had a project there with work- No one else in trained in this project and it had to be done. So I have been doing the single Mom thing this week. My time is spent at work, hospital at lunch, get girls, hospital in evenings - homework being done on the way to and from the hospital etc.

SO I say all of that to say this....I needed a good laugh today. Emma has been obsessed with babies lately. Babies particularly before they are born. She also has been obsessed with Diet Coke (I don't know where she gets that from). So today she was telling Seanna in the back seat. When I was in Momma's Belly she loved me so much she would feed me Diet Coke in a straw through her belly button to me. She didn't do that for you did she? Seanna was so mad she was like - first of all you can't drink that way, and second of all you can only drink milk if you were a baby. She said well she let me have Diet Coke and then sometimes Choc. milk. I was laughing so hard I about spit Diet Coke all over the steering wheel.

They continue
Emma: Well I know that when I have my babies you had better put on a good Baby shower for me.
Seanna: I am not doing that because I am not a good organizer.
Emma: Well you have to you are my sister.
Seanna: Mom will do it for you.
Emma: (ignoring the fact that Seanna did not want to do the baby shower for her) ...get your notebook out here is what I want at my shower-
Seanna: Seanna continued to ignore her.
Emma: If you don't get your notebook out right now you are not going to be allowed to be my kids Aunt.
Seanna:I have to be their Aunt. I was born that way!

They are 6 and 8. Today I want to be either 6 or 8- I think I choose 6. I don't want to be at the 6 ugly stage through where I have already lost my teeth. I want to be 6 and have my baby teeth.

There it's settled!

Can someone pass me the tube? My toothpaste just fell out- September 26th

Some times in my life- My walk with God is beautiful. It all fits in a perfect box- even wrapped in a perfect red bow….and other times it similar to the frustration of fitting all of the toothpaste back into the tube.

Sometimes I wish I had bite-sized answers for the hard questions in life. Answers that make sense when life around you does not. But it does not work that way “For Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen.” So life can get messy.
Messy things like- a mother caring for a new child
Your mother in law in the hospital again
News of a husband leaving a wife-and seeing their children hurting
Answering a 6 year old as to why an airplane would fly into a building

My decision….even when it is messy I am going to still follow hard after Him.


We hate the response of “no.” Next February I will be married for 10 years. I have asked the Lord something for the past 10 years…and am still asking him and the answer has always been no.
I can stop asking (I doubt I will) or I can learn that I will know when he says yes. Why does he say no? I don’t know but it’s okay because he has a great track record with me!


I say “no” to my girls a lot. I sometimes cause a little hurt in their life. Let’s take “hair time” for example. The tangles hurt as they come out but I see the long term goal of them looking beautiful. My six year old thinks she is old enough to cross the road without holding my hand but I have to say no- because I see the big picture. They get frustrated when I don’t let them eat a snack right before dinner but I know that dinner is more important.


Do they hate me because I say no? Absolutely not- Do you know why? I have a great track record with them. I am the one who tugs at tangles but bandages and kisses their skinned knees. I am the one who insist on hand holding in traffic, but giggles with them and plays American Girl Doll even when I am tired. I say no to snacks but I provide a well balanced meal (some nights) for them to eat.


Is that too simple? Maybe – but faith is simple. It is knowing that the Lord of your life has your best interest in heart. He has plans for you and is directing you to them daily. Faith is taking a leap and suspending belief long enough to for him to prove who he really is.
He wants to meet us on our journey. He is willing to take 10,000 steps towards us if we take one tiny baby step? Is he worth the risk? You had better believe it- Follow Hard after him.
Anything in life that is worth doing- is worth doing with passion, with all of your might!
Love you all I am off to General Conference tonight!
CN

Note to Self- September 20th

Things to ponder today...

If I were really tiny (like the size of a penny) would I get better shelter in a rainstorm from a gerbera daisy.....or a regular daisy....or a lily??

Could a venus flytrap eat me?

Could I do the backstroke in a puddle?

Would I catch a ride on a beatle?