Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Thank you Mom!
My Mom flew in on Saturday at noon and is flying out today. I don't want to see her go. She is my second best friend (after John) my confidant, my giggle sharer, my encourager, my equal outer. In fact I am sitting here typing and crying like a 5 year old (I don't know why I picked that age) because I don't want to see her go.
Then I think of Penny and John and the void, the pain in the gut of their stomach as they have a Mother in ICU and they must be thinking the same thing. I don't want to see her go.
My missing my Mom- and them Missing their Mom is a totally different thing.
I can pick up my cell phone and call her.
They can not
She is here- but she is not here
She is in ICU- but not with them.
There comes a point in life when you release someone to the Lord. I have not been blogging about my feelings of John's Mother in the hospital as some things are too hard, too personal, too raw to express.
We have been in a daze the last 32 days and have kind of like been in a fog. You tell people- I am fine, I am not really stressed. But you hit the bed at night and feel like a mack truck has mowed you down.
You lay in bed- but you listen for the phone
You listen to conversations but your mind is listening to another conversation- what will the Dr.s know today- how will she do? Will she eat today? Will they be able to take her off of the feeding tube, the oxygen? Will she know Penny or John today.
The reason I have not typed the feelings of my heart is that I am a stubborn, prideful German backgrounded individual which feels like keep a stiff upper lip- you are blessed and you will get through this. I don't want anyones pity for my family.
Today on the way to work while I was doing my morning prayers the Lord said- Today is the day you need to write about this-
So I am writing.
I am writing about a woman who gave her all for her children- a woman known as my mother in law.
A woman who lost her husband when her son was 8 and her daughter was 6. Who made sure they always were in Methodist Sunday School, always had clean clothes, were fed, and felt her love.
A woman who put herself aside and poured what she had into them. Who had them in dance classes, Horseback riding, who was their greatest cheerleader, and their biggest hug giver. A woman who never missed my husbands Basketball games.
A woman who was their encourager, their friend.
A woman who taught my husband how to honor a woman, and stand up with the courage of a man.
A woman who instilled in him the where with all to be a father- but yet having little remembrance of his own.
A woman who could out cook any other woman out there.
A woman who loves my daughters with the love of a Grandmother.
So today as she lays in ICU and fights for her life I say- Hold on to Jesus Mom. Hold on to him just like you held on to John and Penny, Just like you accepted me into your life, Just like you accepted Steve (my brother in law) into your life, and just like you hold onto your grandchildren!
Hold on to Jesus- cause he is only a breath away.
My Mom flies out today. She returns to St. Louis to be with my Dad, to live her life. But my other Mom (to you known as my mother in law) is in ICU- fighting for her life. I have released her today and held her up to Jesus.
Hold on to Jesus Mom- He loves you even more than we do!
He will never let you go!