Sunday, October 24, 2010
I am such a nerd. I like order. So much that I have a notebook that I made and follow daily for MK Ministries. I am the office manager so I work from home. I have certain task that I do on certain days of the week.
I also have a second notebook for the things that I do at church and my personal life. John and I are the children's pastor, we help with the Spanish daughter work, and then there is the house, kids, groceries, gifts, cards, and the list goes on.
In my personal book- I follow the plan from motivated moms. Okay I am shaking as I type because this is such a personal nerd area for me. I hate for people to be all up in my business- but here it goes.
I follow my system. In my outlook I have my prayer list for people, Birthdays, anniversaries, reminders, schedules, and my to do list galore.
If I don't write it down it won't happen.
So why blog about it? This past week all of that has been in a whirlwind. As I sit and type I don't even know where those two notebooks are. There has been no plan, no schedule, no organization, nothing. I have been a full time Mom. I feel like I have failed in keeping up in anything. I have had to do things yes- but even while doing them felt like a drowning rat. Why? I guess lack of sleep, taking care of Emma around the clock, and working from a chair by her side vs. my regular work area. Don't get me started on my work area- that is another blog.
How do I feel about all of this? Well I was in tears today. I was not just in tears about my stupid schedule, my "plan", my system- but I was in tears because Emma could not hold food down. She would drink and throw-up, then try to eat and throw-up, and then did it all again. I have done laundry, talked to her, sang to her, and been with her for the past 5 days.
She looked at me today after throwing up and said- "Mom- you're the best." What was that? Well one of the most sweetest moments that you can experience ever as a Mom. I wiped her mouth off, changed her shirt, gave her a hug- and said, "Thanks for letting me be your Mom Emma."
Her little eyes had black circles under them and she looked so weak. She just looked up and gave me a thumbs up, a weak smile, and walked to the couch.
I don't have life under control- EVER. Even with my plans, resources, and notebooks. Life gets behind and swirls around me. I feel some days like I am just putting puzzle pieces together to exist. But I do know this- In quietness and confidence is my strength. HE loves me- Nerd T-shirt and all! Even in all of my failures and weaknesses he is my strength!
For thus saith the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength" (Isaiah 30:15).