Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Just Because....

Just because in the last two days I have eaten 497 Oreos does not mean I am not going to be healthy this year- just don't expect 12 sticks of butter off my bottom this week!

Just because Emma or Seanna have been sick for the past three weeks- Emma with fever the last four days- does not mean that I am underwriting KLEENEX. I rebuked sickness from my house today. They are going to school tomorrow fever or not.

Just because I have not had to see my OB in 365 days..... and tomorrow is one year and a day to the horrible day I lost my baby. I will not fall apart when I have to go to their tomorrow. I refuse to to.

Just because I still don't have answers for everyone who is asking- where is Verizon moving John? What is his new position? Does he have a job? When are you moving? Are you still moving to AR? Doesn't mean that GOD DOESN'T have the answers because HE DOES. I am ready for him to clue me in- any day now!

Just because I don't feel the creative juice the size of a ketchup packet does not mean that I will never be creative again- just not in the next two hours.

Just because I didn't laugh at your jokes on the phone today doesn't mean I don't like you it means I am distracted. I'm sorry. I actually love you.

Just because I ran out of Carmex and Blistex and my girls lips are literally bleeding does not mean I will run to the store today. Diaper Rash ointment should work right?

Just because you are complaining that you have had chicken for three nights in a row does not mean you will not have it tomorrow night. And YES I WILL COOK IT IN THE CROCK POT AGAIN. If you don't like it you are 7 and 9 - go get a job and buy hamburger meat.

Just because you think I should always be calm, or hopeful, or perky for you, I am not. Some days I don't want to be upbeat, calm, or perky.

Just because you want me to share my scotch tape with you- I don't necessarily have to. I only have about two inches left and then what will be do if there is a Scotch Tape Emergency?

Just because I miss my Mom today does not mean that I will get to see her. I am forty, I have two kids and one husband and I miss my Mom every day.

Just because I want to hold my baby that I lost a year ago today- doesn't mean that I will get to today, or tomorrow, or in the near future. But I will get to in heaven. Mom, Renee, and Grandma are great babysitters.

Just because this blog is jumbled, silly, frustrated, frazzled doesn't mean that my God has failed me - because HE HAS NOT. It does not mean that I am frustrated with him- because I am not. It does mean that I am sure that JOY is arriving soon and when it arrives- it is going to recognize me. I am the one that locked myself in my office today and made myself praise.

Lord- take my crazy thoughts, my jumbled life, make it somehow beautiful and acceptable in your eyes today. Thanks for your provision. Thanks for my sweet girls- for my strong wonderful husband who loves me, winks at me, and even finds me attractive when I have Oreos in my teeth! You amaze me Lord- you really do!


Kathy McElhaney said...

Earlier today I was looking at your email from a couple of weeks ago and thinking "I wonder how things are going?" I could comment on many of the things you wrote, but I'll just say: I am still praying for you! Love ya!

Tracie Smith said...

Just cry and praise! You'll get thru this. Girl, I've had people praying for all my friends in ministry. I've needed them myself of late. God is so wonderful to allow us to express our feelings yet know how much we LOVE him. Let praise surround you to victory. Go listen to my blog.....it's pretty calm but hey girlfriend, He TRULY is GREAT!

Love you!

Girly Muse said...

oh my, girl. i laughed and cried with you...several times...with this one.

will be praying. for your girls and the doctor visit today...and for peace that passes all understanding to hold you up when you don't feel like standing.

on a lighter note...you were due an overload of oreos! i just noticed your progress on jan 29th! so don't guilt yourself out of those oreos. eat them, enjoy, and you'll be dusting off another stick of butter in no time.

i love ya.

Melinda said...

I love you
I love you
I love you divine
Can I have your buggle gum?
You're sitting on mine.

So eloquence just seems to be spewing forth from my mouth and fingers these days... *Cough* My best friend Claire quotes that poem to me all the time, and it makes me laugh. Not because it's funny but because she's quoting it. But typing it just now I realized -
I don't love you because your life is perfect, or because you have it all together, or because you never face hard times, or because you always share your scotch tape, or because you're a skinny minny, or because you make great chicken in a crock pot, or because you send me cool cards - or because I want your bubblegum. You're you. And whatever that is, whatever state you're in, what ever mood you're walking through - you is lovable.

So can I say something that's going to make it easier to get up in the morning? That's going to enable you to write beautiful transparent words like those without emotional toll? Can I come up with something so poetic that you'll be living in a euphoric, happy, glorious bubble the rest of your life? Or even the rest of the day? Nope. But I can remind you that I love you immensely - because I do. In fact, you're so wonderful you leave me little choice. Bubble gum or not.

Cylinda Nickel said...

you all are so sweet. I re-read my post today and thought about deleting it. I am not- not happy- I was just having one of those frustrating days yesterday-

Today's update....
1. It snowed- no school, no Dr's Apt. :) :P :)
2. It snowed- Remember how I said no matter what the girls were going to school- it snowed :)
3. I found a lonely pound of hamburger in the back of my freezer. I haven't told the girls- it will be my little surprise.
4. Emma still has a fever. The Dr said to give the antibiotics another day. It is now in her lungs, chest area.
5. I love my friends, my blogging buddies. You all rock! Thanks for your notes, long distance hugs, and prayers!

Paula said...

Well, I just had the chance to read this (haven't had good internet connection for a few days) so I guess I'm a little late for comfort, but hey, we all have those days! We just don't all have the courage to blog about it. :O) So thanks for sharing. And next time I'm feeling blue -- I'll think of your Scotch tape emergency. :O)

Hope the girls are feeling better!!!

Love you like an Oreo! (Which reminds me -- haven't had those since I've been home!)

Melissa said...

You may be having one of those day in the valley but the mountain top is not far off -- and the view will be spectacular..promise

Love ya girl and you are true blessing. He knows your needs and He is faithful and just to meet them!

cltgrace said...

I'm catching up & trying to catch my breath on this one,Cylinda. Has it been too long to just say "I love you."