Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Early Flights, Babies, and Airplanes - June 26, 2007
Thursday Morning I had an early flight to Minneapolis/St. Paul. I was going to MN Family camp to represent MK Ministries. I would actually be in MN less than 24 hours.
I woke up at 5:00 Am and even then barely made my flight. As I walked past all of the First Class Snobs (you know the ones that sip OJ and look you up and down like- move quickly lowly peasant) I started counting to see row 14 seat A –the dreaded window. I counted and to my dismay came up with a seat that was filled by two parents and a 7 month old.
Disclaimer- I am not against babies. I am not against parents that travel with babies but you will soon see I was seated next to loons.
I walk up to 14 and see that there are 4 bottles of milk, a bottle of water, a bottle of apple juice and two Grande Starbucks Cups in my seat. The lady immediately starts talking as if she is the baby and saying. Oh we have company in the window seat. Look who’s next to us. At this point I was ready to cut a whole in the side of the airplane and leap.
Her husband gets up and takes the baby. She gathers up all of the bottles and puts the coffee between her feet and tells me to “scoot” past her. I told her I would rather she pick up the coffee and get up. At this point we have the whole plane at stand-still and huffing sounds are all around. She finally gathers the bottles/coffee and lets me in.
From the brief conversations that I had with her I realized I needed the protection of a book- and fast. I pull out my book and put it in front of my face more to the right side to block them off. She pulls the baby up and over my book area and says in that baby voice- oh you like to read? I love books to (as if again talking like the baby). I try to go through every un-repented sin in my head to know why I have the lady talking for her baby syndrome. I come up blank and stare hard into my book.
Finally- time for take off. At this point she decides it is time to shove bottles into the baby’s mouth. First milk- then apple juice- then water. If you have a baby….or have ever babysat you will know that is not a good mixture. Think about mixing those in your own stomach. The baby starts vomiting all over her, the seat. At this point I was praying I would turn into the thickness of a dollar bill and blend into my seat. She starts telling her husband – I don’t know why he chooses right now to get a stomach bug. What is wrong with him? She is trying to sop it up with diapers. I am thinking get wipes. UGH
The drinks come and Mr. 7 month old is cup grab happy. He tries for my cup twice- I said you might want to watch his hands or we will have a spill- She said oh he can’t get those. So I have to hold my drink until the flight attendant comes. At this point- I am second guessing as to why I flew vs. walk?.
She then says I know baby needs a snack too. She lifts up her shirt and exposes her left side (which is right next to me) she nurses her baby stating- Does baby like Mommies snack….and on and on and on. I won’t type too much to gross you out. During this process to position him he is now covering ½ of my lap.
The flight finally lands. I am done with my book and people are starting to leave. She goes into freak out mode. We can’t leave- the baby has pulled the cross off of my chain and I need to find it. I realize that she really meant she was not intending for me to get out of the area until she found it. I said I am sorry it is lost but I really have to go. Then back to the baby voice- You don’t want Mommy to find Jesus Special Cross.
Ignoring what I thought Jesus would do I practically leaped over her into the aisle. I felt gleeful as my feet touched the airport carpet. I smiled as I walked to baggage claim thinking- They need to hire her out as birth control!!