Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Mist on the window.......

I watched as my windshield changed and transformed itself right in front of my eyes. The vapor changed to mist. The mist was overtaken by droplets. The droplets morphed into drops- which hugged each other and turned into rivets of water. The tiny manageable mist suddenly took over my view until all that was seen was blurry. The things in front of me were lost now due to the very thing I had ignored earlier- the sprinklings of rain.

In prayer I cried and languished before the Lord. How could I have let things slip in God? I was busy pulling down cobwebs and dust and look at one corner of my heart to see utter disaster. Things that had been building there for days. I wanted have room to breathe so I quickly ran to the other side to find the same thing. How had "self" managed to get a hold of me? How did my plans and my desires build such quick yet shaky foundations?

I quickly heard the holder of my heart command me to clean out any thing that HE was not attached to. Anything that could bare the resemblance of "Cylinda", her agenda, her lists, and her plans. There had to be a full cleaning, a scraping, a rebuilding.

Cries left my heart, I hung my head in shame over the awkward hurt and humiliation that flooded my soul. It was becoming apparent to me that all along HE had a better plan. Once I got rid of me- and all of "my junk" had been removed there was finally enough room. Room for him to step in. To bring the lifting of the load, to bring the balm of Gilead that I had been bleeding for.

I stand naked- but yet clothed.
I stand alone- but not forgotten.
I stand cleansed- but with his coal of anointing on my tongue.
I stand willing and ready for his perfect will to be done.

I hated packing up all of my plans, my dreams, my aspirations and giving them back to HIM. I had arranged them so nicely and had even basked in the homey way I had set them up just right.

The journey of giving is one of life's hardest journeys. Giving away a book, a misplaced toy, a discarded gift- that is not hard at all- but giving of one's will - now that's a different story. It is a story that is worth the read for when he takes over he truly become the author and finisher of our faith.

May you stand triumphant in HIM today. 

"Create in me a clean heart oh God and renew a right spirit within me."  Ps. 51:10

1 comment:

Girly Muse said...

You're tearing me up with these posts!!! So raw, so real, so refreshing. Thank you for pouring out your heart and letting us see it. I am convicted as I read it. He's calling me to follow him, not try to be the hard to give up control...but so much better in the long run.

I love you, Cylinda. You're so special.