Tuesday, December 21, 2010

10 things that have made me chuckle while on planes lately.

10 things that have made me chuckle while on planes lately:

1. The fact that on my flight that was 15 hours and 50 minutes long- I sat next to a guy who took two Tylenol PM, drank 4 beers, and two glasses of wine and still could not sleep. He wanted to share all of his 4490 pictures with me during the long flight. I finally had to stop the special presentation. While plants all look different to someone who works with them daily. They don't to me. Enough Said.

2. Somewhere in that flight I had to get up and use the restroom. Shocker I know. I had a long flowing navy skirt on. When leaving the restroom I greeted the people that were lingering around the galley area stretching their legs and talking. Three rows up- a lady grabs me (she only spoke Chinese) and pointed to the back of my skirt. It had caught into the waistband- so I had been flashing all of the standers in the galley, smiled at them and then went for three rows (with viewers on each side) before I was told. I started yanking, running back to the galley- that was ----wait for it----filled with people. I could not get into the bathroom as they were both occupied.

3. On that same flight I sat next to a couple from Vietnam. They spoke only broken English. She had long toenails and flip flops on. Her first two hour assignment on that flight was cleaning out her toenails with her fingernails. I was on the aisle- that is when I had to lean over and befriend my Tylenol PM taker friend so I would not vomit on the seat in front of me. I am not a foot person on a good day- so this was a stretch to sit there in the midst of toe world.

4. What is the deal with having a separate area for razor disposal in the bathroom? What do people have to shave so much during flights that they wear out razors? Am I the only one that is bothered by this.

5. A person that was ahead of me must have been brushing their teeth in the bathroom- I thought that globs of toothpaste were reserved to home sinks only. Apparently not.

6. In Hong Kong- the only thing there were concerned about in security was your cell phone and computer. Everything else could be left in your bags, shoes left on, and many people were pushed through with change, watches, etc. They stopped them and said- but we have scanned your phone and computer right? So you are OK. You know how dangerous those cell phones are.

7. I heard a comedy sketch the other day about how funny it is when you think about the Pilot and his announcements during the flights. I thought (after about 8 hours of flying) maybe I should just knock on his door and say- Hi this is Cylinda from coach. I am going to be sitting her for 15 hours and 50 minutes eating two meals, sipping on water, and trying to entertain myself while my seatmates pick their toes. Please sit back and enjoy your ride. If there are any situations - I will let you know from seat 51H.

8. I am so glad that they explain how to use those seat belts- for all of us who have not been in a truck, car, SUV, station wagon, or any moving vehicle in the last 20 years. I thought we had to cut the straps with scissors or gnaw them with your teeth to depart your seat. Good to know that medal buckle thing does all of the work for us.

9. To the man who was sitting in row 50 that kept trying to tell me about his adventures in China through the seats. I could hear you- I just did not want to have to concentrate and listen between the rows. Sorry. I guess I should have made myself clear as you got louder and louder with your explanations.

10. Please do not call a man Michael when it is a french name - Michel. It is also not Michelle. Just trying to keep you away from that long conversation. I am grateful that he fought in Vietnam for us. He was weeping as we flew over the hills of China as he pointed out the last time he flew this way he was in a chartered TWA flight and had no idea the "hell" hew as going to face as he landed in Vietnam. He said how ironic it was as they debarked the US soldiers boarding gave them a thumbs up. He said that after 7 days of steady combat he finally realized the thumbs up was signaling their joy in departing and was by no means indicative of his impending enjoyment while in that hot and humid country. As the tears flowed while he talked- I thanked God for a free nation- and all of the men and women for fought for it.

Okay so you can tell that has been marinading in my brain for the past 9 days and all HAD to get out. Happy Tuesday people. Hope you all have your Christmas shopping finished, gifts are under the tree, and you are sitting their sipping hot cocoa for the next 3 days. WHO am I kidding. Hit the road. Three shopping days left and those gifts are NOT going to wrap themselves! Love ya!


Girly Muse said...

ahahaha oh, you are back all right.

i am shuddering over the toenails and razor stubble...and yes, the flashing as well. i hope you had on knee highs just for the extra thrill...

you are hilarious. love love love you.

Kathy McElhaney said...

I have not flown a single time this year - look what I've missed!

Personal hygiene regimen = the last thing I want to see from a stranger. Oh well, flashing from tucked in navy skirt, too ;)

Love you! Merry Christmas to the Nickels family!