Do you really want to know how I feel? YOU FLAT OUT FREAK ME OUT - JOHN NICKEL!

Do you really want to know how I feel? You flat out Freak ME OUT JOHN NICKEL.
That is the thought I had this morning.

Part 1. I woke to Emma Screaming- Yes Literally- Her stomach was hurting and never in my life have I heard a child scream like that- never. I freaked out. I cried (in my closet), I prayed, I had Seanna pray with me, I took her to the Dr- and it was just a stomach bug. Thank God. John through all of this remained calm.

Part 2. I got an email today that Lee young died. I cried. I just sat there and cried. Lee was in Bible School with me. He was great. I don’t know that I ever saw Lee without a smile on his face. I cried that he was gone. I cried that he did not get married, and that he did not have kids. Yes I did. I called John- while still crying and said- John- Lee young died today. How can this happen? He has given his all to God. He is a missionary to New Zealand, he was filled with faith- and he died. John said- Lee Young is having the best day of his life. Why are you crying? I sat there and said- Really John? You freak me out. He said- we are all going to die. It is our promotion. It is the benefit of serving God- we get to finally be with him.

John freaks me out because his faith, his love, his relationship with God is so strong he sees things in a different light that I do. His philosophy on everything- every question, every hurt is -God said it, I believe it, that settles it for me.

He knows that God has our best interest at heart. He truly knows that God loves us and can be trusted even when:

We sat for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months with his mother in CCU.
His mother died.
We lost our baby.
We have been hurt in personal relationships.
I have cried because of loneliness or I miss friends or family.
Others speak poorly of him.
He he has been misunderstood.
He remains the same- strong in his love for God.

At times I want to just run outside and scream and say- How Can you be this way? Why am I such a weakling and hurt so much at the drop of a hat? Why do I get so sucked into situations, care so deeply, feel so much? Why can’t I be John.

Well- that is because I am Cylinda- and I have to be Cylinda- he can’t be.
I guess I type this today for those of you who find yourself in this battle. You see someone –even your spouse- and you think- Wow- it must be amazing to be them. You are not called to be them. You are called to be you. God created you perfectly.

And just think about it- I would look pretty silly if I was six foot 8!

Love you bloggy buddies!