Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Do you really want to know how I feel? YOU FLAT OUT FREAK ME OUT - JOHN NICKEL!

Do you really want to know how I feel? You flat out Freak ME OUT JOHN NICKEL.
That is the thought I had this morning.

Part 1. I woke to Emma Screaming- Yes Literally- Her stomach was hurting and never in my life have I heard a child scream like that- never. I freaked out. I cried (in my closet), I prayed, I had Seanna pray with me, I took her to the Dr- and it was just a stomach bug. Thank God. John through all of this remained calm.

Part 2. I got an email today that Lee young died. I cried. I just sat there and cried. Lee was in Bible School with me. He was great. I don’t know that I ever saw Lee without a smile on his face. I cried that he was gone. I cried that he did not get married, and that he did not have kids. Yes I did. I called John- while still crying and said- John- Lee young died today. How can this happen? He has given his all to God. He is a missionary to New Zealand, he was filled with faith- and he died. John said- Lee Young is having the best day of his life. Why are you crying? I sat there and said- Really John? You freak me out. He said- we are all going to die. It is our promotion. It is the benefit of serving God- we get to finally be with him.

John freaks me out because his faith, his love, his relationship with God is so strong he sees things in a different light that I do. His philosophy on everything- every question, every hurt is -God said it, I believe it, that settles it for me.

He knows that God has our best interest at heart. He truly knows that God loves us and can be trusted even when:

We sat for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months with his mother in CCU.
His mother died.
We lost our baby.
We have been hurt in personal relationships.
I have cried because of loneliness or I miss friends or family.
Others speak poorly of him.
He he has been misunderstood.
He remains the same- strong in his love for God.

At times I want to just run outside and scream and say- How Can you be this way? Why am I such a weakling and hurt so much at the drop of a hat? Why do I get so sucked into situations, care so deeply, feel so much? Why can’t I be John.

Well- that is because I am Cylinda- and I have to be Cylinda- he can’t be.
I guess I type this today for those of you who find yourself in this battle. You see someone –even your spouse- and you think- Wow- it must be amazing to be them. You are not called to be them. You are called to be you. God created you perfectly.

And just think about it- I would look pretty silly if I was six foot 8!

Love you bloggy buddies!


Anita Wade said...

AWESOME Cylinda!!! God gave you the hubby you needed!! I have realized more the last few weeks just how good God is to me and it sounds like he has been good to you! THANK GOD for husbands who love God - Live for him and in turn LOVE thier families.

Way to go John Nickel!

Girly Muse said...

This is such a wonderful post. I am glad you're you. And John sounds like a dreamy kind of man who loves God and is just the right balance for your passionate self.

Was so sad about Lee too. I'm going to think about it from John's point of view~ Lee has been promoted. I love that.

Love you, girl. Will be praying for Emma.

pressonponderings said...

Thank you Cylinda...this week has been a tough one..I lost my 38 year old cousin to Diabetes this weekend. Her faith was amazing! Then I heard this about Lee...please, tell John that he has ministered in such a great way to me. Great is Lee and my cousins reward.

Paula said...

Wow --- awesome, awesome blog! (Not that it shocks me...your blogs are always awesome!!! :D) Everywhere I turn the last 24 hours, God is speaking this same message to my heart.

He said it.

All I've gotta do is believe it and claim it.

Why do I get all flustered and upset? *sigh* I've got a pretty 'freaky' guy in my life, too. Guess the good Lord knew just what we needed, Cylinda!!! :)

Love you, my friend! Just like you are!!!!!!!!!!

Flourish- The New Life Church Blog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy said...

Thank you! I really needed to hear that today. Ordained by God for sure.

And yes, my husband freaks me out as well...how does he remain so calm?!?