Friday, August 31, 2007

I guess I don't know what to say...


There is a real person inside of this skin, this flesh called me...

So I have been really praying lately that the LORD
Would let me see a glimpse of the real me
How He sees me
How He loves me
How He can give me so much grace and mercy

This past two weeks at School of Missions while teaching the 9-12 year old MKs -
I have tried to

Love harder
Invest deeper
Grow others
Give many hugs
Listen without interrupting
Multiply my vision
Put value into tiny hearts
Let them know that they were a one a kind masterpiece created for their WORK in HIM

I came home tired
But kind of feeling like
You know what?
HE DID IT- He really Did- Lives were changed!!

I wouldn’t change a thing about my path
My direction
My family
My blunderings
My Ministry
That is what has made me- The person inside of this skin
And I am beginning to think
There is hope yet-


Last night when my girls cried on the way home
That they didn’t want to leave School of Missions
That they wanted God to make them missionaries
I thought
Maybe
Just
Maybe my vision
My love for missions
Has rubbed off on a 6 and 8 year old

I could have just given Jesus a High Five
I’m okay
They get it

They are 6 and 8 but today
But I have seen then really cry out and pray
For Madagascar, Suriname, French Africa, Uruguay, Hong Kong,
Papua New Guinea, Brazil, Lebanon, Europe, and all of the other countries their MK friends have come from! A burden, A calling, and an anointing is upon my children!

So I realize that this blog is a lot of rambling
It makes little sense
It is filled with a 1000 thoughts
But at lunch I prayed a prayer of Thanksgiving
Thanking HIM
For So Much in my 39 years of life

Beyond


Beyond

Beyond your dreams
Hopes
Ambitions
Secret desires
Tiny quivering of anticipation

Lays a God who IS ABLE to bring it to fruition

He is all powerful
He Speaks- It is
He Looks – It springs to life
He Breathes- It exudes HIM

Let it go
Don’t hold on so tight
He gave it to you
He knows how to bring it to pass
He guards it even more closely than you do!!


Holy Holy Holy
Is the Lord God almighty
Who was and is and is to come
All creation I’ll sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore you

I Miss Civilization- August 29, 2007

I am at School of Missions
So I am going through with drawls-
Computer sessions are only 10 minutes long on a public computer and I have no cell service. I miss my blogging buddies, and most of all my 6 foot 8 husband…

Tomorrow is that last day of teaching- Thursday they do parent presentations-
I fly home- and then I work on Friday-

Missing all of you- but thanking the Lord for the opportunity to touch the lives of 23 special MKs!!

WoW- August 20, 2007


So I just got a call from my handsome tall wonderful husband of nine years

He is at Alltel right now
Getting me a diff. phone and changing my plan

I asked him on the phone if he wanted to get married
He said we already are
I said well you going to do that for me makes me want to get married all over again

And this time- I would have Robert Johnson take the pictures so we don't look like we got married at Sears

Woot Woot- Loving my cute little husband today!!!

Here is the picture of my new cute phone!! I had to go with Red- They didn't have Orange- My current fav. color (how old am I five?)

So I am not dwelling today- August 20,07


So I am not dwelling today okay- I’ll admit it ?

Call it too little sleep
Call it too good of services yesterday
Call it what you may

But today I lost it at Alltel. John (my Husband of great handsomeness) works for Alltel as an engineer. I thus have a cell phone from Alltel. Today I run in thinking I will quickly change my plan. Key word was quickly- I had a list of four errands to run on my quick lunch.

I walk in everyone is helping someone-cool I think- I will check out the new phones. Then another couple comes in after me and checks out phones. We make eye contact- I made sure of it so they knew I was there first (first sign that my Holy Ghost was left behind in the car ?)

Then person behind the counter is free and walks over to the couple- Hi- Welcome to Alltel how can I help you today? (How about helping the people that were here first I think) but keep my mouth shut….

I now (and yes- this is the least like God I have been I a while) stand in the middle of the store so the now three in the party have to part to get around me. Someone will be right with you Maam the man says. Really? Oh Great I say sweetly (sour is spurting forth in my eyes to the couple). The man feels the tension and says oh I am sorry were you here first? The couple looks amazed (I am waiting for their gasp) and I say yes- but go right ahead (rejoicing that my point was made) My guardian angel who had followed me in are now leaning against the door wanting out.

Finally three men pour out of the back. The man in the front says she needs help. I am like no joke- They look up from their conversation and say how can we help you? I said I need to update my plan and get a new phone. They all look at my little green shabby phone and say wow you do need an update. Seeing the blush that came over my little green’s phone face, I said I love my phone but thought it was time to update. My angel hovers closer and my phone is no longer blushing.

Let’s start out by getting your zip code they say (I am thinking why does it take three men to help me? Am I suddenly a terrorist?) I give them my zip code and my cell number. Sorry we don’t have you in the system. Yes you do

I repeat the number slowly (a little like you would talk to a child)
Let me check another computer. All of them go to the second one.

Well it looks like you are here- wait a minute John Nickel?? Are you John?
I fight back what do you think…and patiently say – no that is my husband. It is under his name as he is EMPLOYED by alltel. Oh well then I can only talk to John Nickel about this phone they all say.

Really –well that is news to me I start in- as I have had this phone number for the past 8 years and have always made changes and picked out my phones without John being present.

We can’t do that maam.

I said why don’t I call john on the phone and he will verify I am his wife and we will get this done- I am just wanting to get a 9.99 phone and change my plan before I leave tomorrow.

We can’t do that.
Why not?
You are not John
I know I am not
Well then you can’t change it
I am his wife
You are not on the account
Look how many Alltel cards do you need to see my insurance, my prescriptions, and my dental plan? My dental records (yes I went too far) to see that his name and my name are both on every account together.

Really – the manager says- This is for your safety?
My safety I said – really loudly?
Yes, you know that I am not giving out his Social Security number
I said I WILL GIVE YOU HIS SS NUMBER YOU ARE NOT MAKING SENSE

He said well our district manager is right over there helping those clients if you would like to wait you can talk to him. (This is the man who ignored me when I walked in)

I said WAIT?? WHAT HAVE WE BEEN DOING_ WAITING ALREADY? They are now standing three across with all three of them having their arms crossed. I said I want all of your names. They gave me their names.

I said thank you and walked out.
I opened up the door again- pulled my angel back out the door so he would go in the car with me. I might need him for bad traffic later.

Then I get in the car and think- Great job Cylinda- You let a tiny 4 inch by 2 inch cell phone ruin your testimony to three prospective saints.

I think they wouldn’t have made good saints anyway- they would have changed visitors to fill out welcome cards. I mentally try to calculate how many of them I could bowl down with one traffic lane.

Unfortunately the Lord would not let it go. I kept hearing over and over in my head. He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most high- shall abide under the shadow of the almighty.

Another translation- that I looked up when I got back to work reads-

Happy is he whose resting-place is in the secret of the Lord, and under the shade of the wings of the Most High; Ps 91:1

As I drove through the drive through ordering my Stupid Salad and large diet coke- I repented of my harshness, stupidity, and for my loosing my patience with people who were probably poorly trained to begin with. How can the Lord in-trust anything with me if I loose it over a simple thing?

I repented with sorrow and tears- and asked the Lord to shape me into his being so that I could abide with him- To crawl back on his bench and sit in his presence!

I said it even out loud. I think my angel might have been smiling as I offered him a sip of my diet coke-

So I don’t have a new phone- I have HIM
I don’t have a call my friend’s free plan- I was going to have to make up some numbers anyway
I do have Jesus- and I have peace and that’s what matters…..I gotta go my cell phone is ringing!! ?


BTW- This is not the normal or standard operation for Alltel. I have been in there once a year for the past 8 years and have loved every other helpful person- I think these people were transplants from Not-So- Friendly Land...and they won't be at a store near you!!

Friday, August 17, 2007

Lost In You!


Lost In you…..

We all have that pivotal point in our life when we were LOST in HIM!!!

Fully immersed

Soaked

Saturated

Sloshing and basking in his presence

I recall a time in my life when I went on Aim to Nassau. I was lonely beyond measure. The missionary had not arrived yet and I was working with the local Pastor and his family. My mission was to teach Bible Studies and start a youth group.

It was a horrible lonely time, but it was one of the most refreshing saturated times in my life.

I remember praying for hours and getting up not realizing where the time had past

I made more notes from my Bible than I ever had

I had journals filled after the Three months of what I felt the Lord someday wanted out of me.

It was also a great time of trials-

I was doing 21 Bible Studies at that time (a week) after Cold calling people from the phone book.

After one Bible Study a Demon Possessed person entered into the Room with a broken bottle and held it up to my neck demanding money. I started praying, rebuking, and calling on the name of Jesus. She fled wild eyed and we thanked the Lord together. I would see her daily in the trees hissing at me. I recall the night she came to church and felt the Lord for the first time.

I picked up kids for the Kids Club/VBS/Youth group all smashed into one- WE had a van and thus could get them. I recall one night a huge fight breaking out in the older group. One kid had run out broken a bottle and had returned to cut up another kid (what is up with the broken bottles there). They were by the Baptismal and I just remember again calling on the name of Jesus and the boy running out.

One night- my apartment was in the midst of being broken into and the Lord woke me up by calling my name in the Local Pastor’s voice. I woke up saying I hear you I will be right there. I scrambled to get my robe and turned on lights etc. In the process I scared away the thieves- and did not even know it. In the morning- their tools were still there as they were attempting to break in with a crow bar and had bent the frame- The door had to be cut out.

That Summer I saw 26 kids receive the Holy Ghost and when I left there was a youth group. But I only say all of those things to say this- It was the Loneliest – yet one of the best times of my life.

I recall on my Birthday sitting alone at a small wooden table with my x-small pizza and I put a candle in it and sang to myself. All the while questioning if I was really supposed to be there. In the middle of my solo Birthday Song the power went out and I started to cry. Then I felt such a sweet presence of God I got up did not eat my pizza and just sat with Jesus for a bit!! Probably one of the best gifts I have ever received.

I had no money (My Aim Supporters forgot about me when I got there), I had no friends (but my MAIN FRIEND HIM). But I saw the Lord work in an awesome way.

The floodgates of this memory came back to me today- because I thought of all of the times in my life- when did I feel him the most?? When I was the loneliest.

I was alone- But he was with me

I was weak- but with him accomplished what I set out to do.

Whoever you are today out there reading this- HE has called you to this part of your life for you to bask in him. This is a lonely, solitary point in time…but HE has called you away to be with him.

I know am crying as I type (and praying my co-workers don’t walk in) as I can see you sitting there reading this- feeling alone, hurt, misunderstood.

It doesn’t matter. He is sitting right next to you- with open arms. Ready to draw you in.

Today- Inhale him

Inhale peace

And watch what the Lord is going to do through you!