Monday, December 03, 2007

The Fog

So I have been in a fog this month. So for all two of you (kidding) that have emailed me as to why I am not blogging. I don't know why. I have been feeling private, weird, and irrational, and like I am in a quiet room with no windows or doors.

This week I decided....Cylinda - Enough is enough...lets do something about this. What is the best way to get your self out a funk? Go Shopping.

While driving to the store I realized my "Funk" is from going non-stop since September, loosing my mother-in-law 3 weeks ago, and working full time, commuting two hours a day, blah blah blah blah blah. The more reasons I come up with, the more I justify spending at Target.

I made the decision I am getting rid of my silver and blue Christmas tree ornaments, blue tree topper, decorations and heading into the red and gold and white mode. If any (again to the one person who reads my blogs ) want them- let me know and I will ship them off to you pronto (as in Pronto Dog).

So I get to Target...and I go to the decoration aisle and I become overwhelmed. I think- wow this is hard. I am going to have to head over to the snack bar and buy some carrots and a large diet coke to make it through (if you have not been to Target lately-the horror- the snack bar sells carrots and ranch) I kid you not.

So I get my snack...and rush back to the tree skirt area (do they carry tree slacks? No) and decide on the red and tan one that has snowflakes on it. As I reach for it....Yeda the Yuppie (Yeda is the ugliest name I can come up with) tries to grab it. I am not proclaiming to be a Christian at this point (I left my God loves me more t-shirt at the cleaners) and snatch it right back and say I was getting that. She looks shocked. I shake my head yes and give her that pursed lip look (you know the one). I put it in my cart triumphantly and go down the aisle. I take about five more steps and wouldn't you know it the voice in my head gets louder- take it to her and apologize. What??? are you kidding? Take it back? yes

I push my 7000 lb cart back to her and say... you know what- I am so sorry. I was being ridiculous I want you to have this. She was like really? I said yes- So....I give it to her. She is like no you take it. I insisted.

Then like a ninny I start crying in the Target aisle. I tell her I am not emotional about this tree skirt...I am having a weird rough week, and I feel horrible that I was so insane about a tree skirt. She gives me a hug (I know a stranger- we had a moment) and I walk off.

I walked over to the Kitchen department and got a can opener- the .50 one from last summers garage sale is on my last nerve and dancing in I splurged a whole 10.00 to get one.

SO....I share my weirdness to tell you this....

Are all days fun??? No
Are some days yucky??? Yes
Is his voice still near??? Yes
Do we have to listen to it??? Yes even on the hard days

Listen to that voice. Today I didn't want to but I was glad that I did. I got a free hug (yes even germ-a-phobe, stranger anxiety me) and it was worth it!

John 10:27 - My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.
Psalm 119:114 - You are my hiding place.

Have an awesome weekend. While typing I think I know what my issue has been....I have not been typing. Typing brings release, freedom, and joy. Kind of like the joy that comes to my mind when in my imaginary land where I sew beautiful things and give them to my friends One day I will!

Love you all!!


Genesis 2:16 - And Sarah said, "God has made me to laugh, so that all who hears will laugh with me."

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