Thursday, March 01, 2012

Vinegar, Razorblades, Goo be Gone, and the Bees!

I am shocked you are still here. The lack of updates on this blog is appalling. I for one am not going to stand for it (that is what is really in your mind- so I said it for you).

What has been going on?? Well moving. We are all moved into our home and the boxes - the boxes are out! I have been hanging up pictures in the night. Yep - I give myself these unrealistic goals and then have to stay up until 2:30 AM to complete them.

I also have been doing a lot of cleaning. The mirrors in this house have a strange white film all over them. I have used Windex, Windex, and more Windex. The film returns. So for some reason my brain opened up the file cabinet the housed strange smells of my past and I recalled my Grandma Eikamp using vinegar on mirrors and windows. I headed off to the closest store- got a container of vinegar that barely fit into my cart... and headed home.

I started in the girls bathroom and used straight vinegar right on the mirror. I about passed out at the smell. After coming out of the "I have just been pickled fog" I noticed that when it dried- the film was gone. I was so excited I could not stop myself from attacking more mirrors. Then the obsession began. Mirrors were no longer enough when there were windows to attack. Windows, however, called for more supplies- Razor blades (paint on windows), Goo Be Gone (tape on windows), and a new role of paper towel was needed.

Let me preface this by stating I have nosy neighbors interested in my life neighbors. I have caught them many of time peeking through the blinds at me. So this was going to be prime time entertainment for them with all of these supplies in hand.

Just as I started my wonderful job a bee discovered all of my strange smells. The horrible brine smell of the vinegar, the sweet smell of Goo be gone, and my windsong daughters perfume I had sprayed on for good measure. Well anyone with half of a brain knows that when a bee comes by sniffing you have to put on a good show for it. I screamed, ran in a circle, threw all of my supplies in the air, and took out my pony tail holder just for the sake of- hmm not really sure why. At this point the neighbors were probably getting snacks and drinks and moving chairs over to the window. We have a crazy folks. I am so glad they moved in.

I tried to regain composure and remind myself that only 10% of your worries ever happen. It was now "rush hour" in the neighborhood. I needed to quickly pick up my scattered supplies and make dinner. The trick was to not look like the "Bottoms UP" lawn ornament and graciously pick up my things quickly. The lovely bee would not leave me alone. I somehow was calm enough to find the razor blade in the mulch. Isn't that in the Bible? It is easier for you to find a razor blade in the mulch then a rich man to enter the kingdom? No? Sorry- that is the needle and camel one.

As I made it safely into the kitchen I set my supplies down and suddenly had the urge to lick my arms just to see if they tasted like dill pickle chips- but stopped short. My windows were open and how could I ever explain licking my arms at the next neighborhood watch meeting?

Thought to ponder- Am I equally concerned about keeping the hidden things in my heart clean and fog free before the Lord?

Psalm 139: 23-24 

Investigate my life, O God,
      find out everything about me;
   Cross-examine and test me,
      get a clear picture of what I'm about;
   See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
      then guide me on the road to eternal life.


Savannah Forsythe said...

OMG! This has made my day! You are so funny. The things that happen to you don't happen to anyone else. I miss being around and sitting front row to all your crazy experiences. Everytime I get "weirdo" cashier at Walmart I think of you, and wonder how many crazies you attracted that day. Lol. Love you and miss you.

Paula said...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, how I have misssssseeeeddd yoouuuuuu!!! :) :) This put such a huge smile on my face. Love you and all the crazies you attact (even the BEES are attracted to your awesomeness!!!!)

Tiffany Bracken: said...

Oh my!! Words cannot explain how hard I laughed while reading this! Then I went to tell Chris and couldn't stop laughing enough to tell him. So sorry for the bee, but, man, that was so funny!