I just walk around by myself a lot smiling and hoping.......

I don't have a group to hang around with- so I just walk around by myself a lot smiling and just hoping that someone will ask me to come over and hang out with them.

That is a private conversation that I had with a little girl that lives in my house this week.

The struggles of moving into a different school
The struggles of finding that perfect fit
The stuggles of dealing with friends moving on and not taking you with them.
The struggles of not having that person who will sit and giggle with you the entire 1380 seconds of your lunch break.

My heart has been broken this week.

Not just for the seeing and hearing about the daily throws of the trials of growing up
But my heart has broken because I can't wave a wand and just fix it- I can't make it all better.

So in the busiest week of my life- I have been stopping a lot to give hugs, to laugh extra long at the jokes she tells me, to surprise her with not-so-ovious little gifts- and to compliment even the tiniest of accomplishments.

As I sat and prayed for her this afternoon I thought of how HE must feel when we are not connecting.
How it must hurt him all the more knowing that he stands ready with the answers, the solutions, the balm of Gilead- but we don't stop to talk to HIM about it. We run to every resource but him.

I asked the Lord to forgive me for trying to be the Belle of the Ball and not pausing long enough to thank the HOST of my life for having me over.

As for my little one- she will make it. She will emerge stronger because of this. After tucking her in and saying prayers with her tonight I came back to my computer to finish up some work. She sent me a text from her phone. It simply said- Mom thanks for loving me and being there for me. You make even bad days great.

Tomorrow at 6:00 AM we start this whole process again. She is going to have a great day!