Thursday, July 14, 2011

Funnies from the road

So just in case from reading two post ago you think- wow there was nothing funny that happened on her trip? Um- yes there was. That magical post was an article I wrote.

I did not include things like:

1. My luggage did not arrive until a week and a day later- so I had the same clothes on for 8 days (that includes travel time). Thank God Paula had a washer. The outfit was a black skirt, white long sleeved tissue t-shirt, and a black sweater vest type thing. In the pictures above it was only like day 2 and three. The shirt still looked white and the vest has some form to it. Not so much after sweating speaking in it for 5 sessions. I was so sick of it when I arrived in Kenya and saw my bags I put my old outfit in the trash. Yep. I did. I have a sneaky feeling that Francis's (the Crumpacker's helper) wife has a new black and white outfit.

2. When we were in Nairobi I was in desperate search for an avacado. I was in the fruit market and a guy comes up from behind me and says "Can you Shake it?" I turned around was puzzled. He said when you shake the avacado and you can hear the pit rolling around in the middle it was ripe. I bought the avacado. It was not ripe. Thanks for the disturbing comment Mr. "I don't know my fruit man."

3. When I was flying from Little Rock to Chicago I looked in my bag to realize that I did not have my epi-pen with me. I am deadly allergic to all seafood and fish. To the point that if I eat something fried in the same oil I will immediately be dealing with a closed throat and it only gets better from there. I sent an email to Paula and gave her a heads up. When we arrived we found out that the medical missionary that they deal with had a vile of Epinephrine but not an adult pen. He had his toddler's pen that he said I could take. He told Paula if I had any problems that she could give me the dosage with a needle and vile he provided us with. He also added that if she gave me 1 cc too much I would die of a heart attack. All the while I was smiling and trying not to sweat in my one outfit but assured him that all would be well. I was thinking on the drive back to their house. Great I don't think our will has been updated- and I will die in this ugly outfit. Why did I ever bye this ugly sweater vest from 1/2 of 1/2 in the first place? If I did die in this outfit would they make me something to bury me in so I would not be buried in black and white?

I did not have to use the toddler epi-pen, nor did Paula give me a shot. I had a close call in one of the Pastor's homes.  They served a lovely white inclusion in the veggie appetizer- calamari. God is faithful and I did not eat it.

4. When I arrived into Istanbul I was staying at a hotel in the historic district. I changed money. Got my luggage and went out to get a taxi. The older gentleman without teeth led me to a second taxi driver who did not speak English. I had the paper with my address and asked him by hand signals if he knew where he was going? He shrugged. I pointed to the phone number and made a call them signal. He called and then gave me the thumbs up. I asked how much he said the amount. I said OK. We drove and drove and drove. I knew that we were close when I started recognizing things from the area I was to stay in. He was a horrible driver that was yelling and screaming at the traffic. Very relaxing after the long flight. So he then takes me to a side road and in his anger hits a restaurant sign. He really blew up at that point and went back to the main road. He told me to get out (again all by gestures) I told him no. He said yes. He then got out and opened up the trunk and took out my luggage. I said okay. He asked for the full fare. I said no. So I gave him part of the fare.  I stood on the side of the road and really wished I could see my guardian angels even though I knew they were near. I waited for about 4-5 minutes- saw a second taxi and he pulled over. He did not speak English. He did know where the hotel was and I was at the hotel in about 10 minutes. When I got to the hotel I just about kissed the entrance- but there was the whole- how do I rub Purel on my lips and kiss the floor then rub Purel on my lips without looking like a weirdo thing- so I opted not to.

5. On the way back to Little Rock from Istanbul I litterally was checked by security or passport control 8 times. I kid you not. It was like I might as well have duck taped the thing on my chest to save time. I was about ready to- then I thought - that is not a good look for me - so continued to smile and give it to them when needed. Also when I got home- how would I get the sticky residue off of my passport? I am a thinker people.

When we were in the holding cell  waiting room before another check I noticed a lady that was traveling with one of the hairiest cats in the planet. It was huge and hairy. Oh I am sorry I already mentioned that. So I thought- great- watch me get stuck with her for the entire flight home. Did I mention in number 3 that I am also allergic to cats? Nope- my bad. Here I'll put that out for you- I am also allergic to cats. So I board- (yep I go when they call the elite travelers even though I am not elite I felt elite after this trip so I thought why not)- I sit in my hard comfy seat and wait to meet my seat mate. Cat lady is slowly approaching, she walks by and a cloud of fur gathers on my skirt. I exhale only to find her circling back and says oh- here is 9b. I could not see the numbers. She puts the cat next to me and says- oh I hope you are not allergic to cats- we are here. I said actually I am- and there is no way this is going to work. At this point I was ready to take the cat and leave it in the bathroom the waiting room just to get rid of the 7 inches of fur that attached to my body. I tried to make eye contact with anyone who had eyeballs ready to depart quickly. I finally saw a lady two seats back. I said are you allergic to cats? She said no. I said would you please change seats with me? This lady has a cat and I am most allergic to them. She answered back in Turkish. I then began gestures of all gestures until the man behind me could not take it any more and spoke to me in English and her in Turkish. She agreed and I kissed her gleefully went to her seat. Close call my friends, close call.


Amanda "talley" Fouke said...

So glad that you do not have a boring live. Thanks for the laugh today, I really needed it!!!

Paula said...

I'm soooooo glad I didn't have to administer the epinephrine!!! Phew. Kept telling myself: 'only 3 cc's...only 3 cc's..." Hehe

What fun we had! So many laughs. :)

Girly Muse said...

whew. you are keeping your angels working double-time! :)

Hilarious. Sorry, yes, we are laughing at you and hopefully by now, WITH you. I am so thrilled you did not die wearing that white and black. If that had happened, I would have come to the funeral and tried to spruce you up with a cute headband or SOMETHING! hahaha

Love you, you brave girl. xo