Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The Death of the Longsuffering, Gentleness, Goodness and Peace!

This morning I woke up 30 minutes late for work. The girls had already eaten breakfast, I ran to get my shower and ready for work. Seanna got dressed, hair done. Emma strolls into the bathroom with PJ’s on and was going at the speed of a Turtle on Valium.

I was like hurry Emma (while I am brushing my teeth) we have to get ready fast today. She goes to the bathroom- comes out with pj bottom and no top and her clothes still in hand. At this point I snatch everything from her shove her top on (guys never call their shirts tops- have you noticed that) and say – stand in front of the sink I am going to do your hair. She is standing looking at her shirt in the mirror. It is a red bandanna shirt that has puffy drop sleeves. She starts crying- I don’t like this shirt. It is itchy. (John who is watching the scene starts laughing as he is spelling to me …she is just like her MOTHER). I tell Emma well this is what you are wearing today we are late deal with it. She cries even harder. Now at this point- A 5 star mother would have stopped hugged her and said I am sorry your feel weird in that shirt -lets skip to your room and find a lovely little top for you to wear today. I continue on. Quit Crying Emma. She gets worse and worse. At this point I am having a picture of the fruit of the spirit in my life and Gentleness, Goodness have died on their branches- they are a nasty black color and have just fallen into a heap by the tree. Longsuffering is holding on by a thread.

She is not going to stop. Finally I am done with her hair and grab the shirt off throw it to the ground and say- if you can’t stand the shirt I picked out for you- go in your room and find a new one. (Bamb- Longsuffering bites the dust)

I come out of my room and see her in the hallway. She has on a turquoise and teal turtleneck complete with long sleeves on. Her hair that I just did is now resembling the hair that I started out with. I walk over- yank her sweater off and say this is a winter sweater you can’t wear this. Tears again. I hear the Lord chastening me and saying how many time are you going to make my child cry today? I quickly tell the Lord NOT RIGHT NOW LORD, I am busy. I find a new shirt- get her back in the bathroom- do her hair again and realize that peace has joined the other fruit of the spirit in my fleshly pool of rotted fruit.

I quickly run down stairs, grab my bag. Emma is standing there- Momma – I love you- I promise whatever shirt you put out for me from now on- I will wear it. I am so sorry.
I have to stop – No Emma- Mommy is sorry- I am frustrated at myself for being late and I took it out on you. Please forgive me. At this point my fallen fruit is giving each other high fives and thinking there might be hope.

I race to the car. Put the key in. Crank it. Guess who is out of gas?? Me? I get it started and at this point am praying I can make it to the gas station.

All the way there…I tell the Lord I am sorry. How many times can I fail in the small task? I have to show your fruits. I remind my self I AM THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD THROUGH CHRIST JESUS. I am a good person. I am a good Mother. I have the fruit of the spirit in my life. I have favor in my workplace today. I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. I am going to do good to others today. The Lord is going to bless me today to bless others. I am going to minister to someone with a need today.

I pull into the gas station and was cut off by a driver. Initial reaction- Honk my horn- shake my first- let them know that they are not getting by with that. Reaction I chose smile- calm myself down and ignore the situation.

As I pull into the parking lot I see my former boss at the next pump. The one that I had witnessed to for 4 years- that I lived my life in front of – but yet who never came to church.

Wow she said- did you see that guy? He tried to cut you off! Yea, I said- He must have been in a rush. Wow she said you are still the same- you just don’t let things get to you do you?

I smiled and thanked the Lord for his Grace. If she only knew!

I finished pumping as I saw the fruit of the spirit giving each other high fives and climbing back on their trees. Now if they can only stay that way today!!

Lord- let me live my life and shine for you. Help me lay aside pettiness and slow down. Help me to hug more, love harder, and lead by my example!


Melinda said...

I love that the fruits of the spirit, give each other high fives.

Girly Muse said...

oh my, how i can relate to this!!! it's a daily struggle, some days wayyyy harder than others.

isn't it reassuring to know that we're not alone in this. thanks for your honesty.