To those who have loved me and cared for me and my family over the past month 1/2 - Thanks!!

This is my favorite portion from one of my favorite books- The Velveteen Rabbit- If you don't have it- use the excuse of Christmas to get your own copy!!

I want to say-one of my goals in life- after having gone through some pretty traumatic things as a teenager was to not become bitter- but to become better. To no matter how hard it was - crack my plastic mask - and even if it hurt to be real- Thus- this is one of my favorite books....

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"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

How are the hotdogs with Jesus Grammie?

So as you probably know- if you read this blog (all one of you) that John's Mom passed away on the Monday- the 5th of November. Her wake was on the 8th and her funeral the 9th.

She passed away really early in the morning and so I stayed up with John until 5:00 AM and then slept an hour and we got up at 6:00 am with the girls. They had to be told their grandmother had just passed away. John said girls- I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that Grammie is in heaven with Jesus the bad news is that we are going to miss her. It is okay to miss her. But she is happy and we should be happy for her.

They kind of just sat there and stared at us. I said I would make breakfast for everyone (that usually helps). Emma got busy working on coloring a picture and Seanna was still just kind of sitting there. I told them that I would take them to school at about 10:00 Am and talk to their teachers etc.

So at about 9 AM I hear Emma telling Seanna- we don't have to be sad Seanna- Grammie is in the Jacuzzi with Jesus. (I just listened thinking that sounded like a great book title). Seanna said I know Emma. Seanna said- I think that she is also looking at every room in her mansion.

At 9:45 when I was getting them ready to head out the door- Emma then tells Seanna- well now Grammie is hungry and she is eating Hotdogs in heaven with Jesus. I bet they are having fun. Seanna just smiles at her.

We all head into the car. On the way to school very little was said. We get out of the car at school and Emma sticks her head up in the sky and yells- Hey Grammie- How were the Hotdogs with Jesus? Seanna just shakes her head.

I took them to each teacher- explaining the circumstances of the day- for them to call us if there were issues.

I drove in silence, and then the flood of tears over whelmed my already sore eyes. I could no longer get hugs from her, I wouldn't see her smile, I wouldn't hear her say- well hello daughter, and I couldn't get the recipe for chicken and dumplings anymore.

I headed into the store. I saw ripe tomatoes (her favorite) and grabbed two of them. I got John some tissues, and some other items. I walked by the lunch meat and saw the Oscar Meyer Hotdogs. I looked to my left and then to my right. I was alone in the hotdog aisle. I took the package and held them up in the air and said- Eat one for me Mom- we miss you already.

I drove home- again in silence. I took my groceries out. I was ready to place my two ripe tomatoes into the fridge and heard her voice in my head saying- Cylinda don't put tomatoes in the fridge it takes away the flavor. I usually ignored that voice and put them away. On Monday, November 5th- I left them on the counter.

Soooooooooooooooooo

t's National Blog Month and I have not been blogging.

I am beginning to feel it come back though...

Thought for today- I really really like celery. What's Not to like- It's Green, It's Crunchy, you don't gain wait eating it, it has strings, the middle part is tender, you can dip it in everything (well not everything)...

I say I am for Celery, ribbons in the sky, and very cool thrift stores!

Have an awesome joy filled day. I am off to hunt for some vanilla coffee with Vanilla Caramel creamer. I have to sneak it though- so don't call my boss and tell okay!